Showing posts with label The Oscars.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Oscars.. Show all posts

Monday, February 26, 2007

Another Thing I Didn't Win, Fuck Being Nominated.

A certain spice rack loving guitar playing gobshite will no doubt complain about me doing a Hollywood post so here is a Goth to placate him.

I prepared myself for the Oscars to be shite as the choice of films and actors was shite but then they started to hand out awards and it went from shite to severe diarrhea that turned to water.
That Ellen bird made me sigh and say "I miss Billy Crystal" she even made Chris Rock's attempt last year look good. Its all that Hollywood liberal mindset, if Johnny black fella and a woman can host the Oscars then they can be president.
I had them playing the race card for the supporting actors as Hollywood likes to be friends with the black man but if you got a wide view of the audience you'd see nothing but a sea of white faces but showing Will Smith his wife and the odd Jap every five minutes demonstrated their diversity.
Forest Whitaker is a ugly fucking fat cunt but a fine actor, but to get the Oscar for Idi Amin it just goes to show you how crap the choice was and makes you wonder how much influence my Amin post had on the academy voting, hey I did get rid of Donald Rumsfeld don't forget that one.
Jennifer Hudson robbed Cate Blanchett for best supporting actress. Hudson played a low class black singer with a lot of ethnic attitude, hardly a stretch of acting ability I want to see this newbie play a ghey cowboy. Just like Adrian Brody, I'll always see him as a world war II Jew.

Best actress was a no brainer, if you didn't give it to the Queen the British troops in Iraq would say, "not our fight mate we're off" . Helen Mirren was looking rather good I thought and you could tell from her speech she really got into the role of Elizabeth Windsor as a person and not the figurehead/caricature that most see her as, I might want to see this one, wanking material if nothing , like getting yer gurlfriend to dress as a freedom maid (the French are cunts) I like them to dress like the Queen or Freddy Krueger both with long fingernails.

I had Martin Scorsese as a cert and when Clint got a lot of stage time and the 3 older directors came out to present the award I knew his time had cum but the best picture surprised me, I supposed they gave him that too so it didn't look too much like a pity Oscar.

Leonardo DiCaprio or as Al Gore calls him 'head boy' could he get any further up Gore's hole? oh Global warming this and that, we love you Al you're among friends here. I was going to go to a Global warming meeting but it was called off due to the heavy snow fall.
Leo has a Hybrid car but not a hybrid jet and I bet he flies more than he drives, then again Brad Pitt also has a hybrid car parked beside his 2 SUVs .

I believe that children are our future.

So Al Gore got an Oscar for best documentary, shows you what great actors Yank politicians are, if one more person burst into tears (men at that) at the mention of Global warming I was going to boak, go look at the starving babies in yer own cuntry and around the world who are dying now while you eat yer 50 dollar steak and cry about something that may or may not happen in 100 years, oh no we're going to have nice weather in Siberia, did it ever occur to you that the Siberians are well pleased at this prospect? start buying frozen tundra now while its cheap cos soon its going to be premo real estate.

The highlight of the show was the song about Comedians never getting Oscars for funny films as sung by Will Farrell , Jack Black and John C. Reilly . Will Farrell should be the next host for the Oscars as he is actually funny.
Someone prattled on about the Oscars being so international now , all I noticed was I couldn't understand a fucking thing the foreigners were saying. I turned all US redneck and shouted at the TV about how if they are going to take an American Oscar then they should learn how to speak English, yeah yeah they are just making the films the Yanks don't want to make and only getting 3 dollars a hour to do so.

Respect goes to the Screenwriter of The Departed who won and when his name was called he ambled slowly onto the stage looked a little dazed and confused and said "Valium works", no shit my friend, Tom Hanks was well amused.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Hot Midget Sex Oscar Reminder

I'll be staying up late and watching the Oscars tonight with the ghost of my friend Ned, hes the one that tells me to kill the hoors and to post wicked wicked nasty things on my blog . Here is a reminder of my choices, pretty sad ones all round.

Best Picture: Babel............ it has to get something card
Best Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio........... Not a great choice card
Best Actress: Helen Mirren............. Queen card
Best Supporting Actor: Djimon Hounsou ............If not then Eddie Murphy race card
Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett ..............we like her card
Best Director: Martin Scorsese..................... pity card

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I Just Want To Thank All Those I Stepped On Along The Way.


On the 25th February its Oscar night again, firstly I don't care if you don't give a shit about the Oscars and say its all Hollywood politics with everyone scratching each other's backs, go read a more witty and interesting Blog then, whats that? can't find one ok then this is what I have to offer.

Old Knudsen hasn't gone ghey, last week in that public restroom was a misunderstanding and we both shook hands about it afterwards, of course I couldn't look him in the eye. (a short fella)
I can't wait to see what Versace or Vera Wang come up with , its my dream to walk up the red carpet and have some dopey hoor like Joan Rivers ask me "who are you wearing" and I'll say "Burtons" or "Marks and Sparks" and then up comes Matt Damon who plays the Young Knudsen and Antony Hopkins who plays the Old one.
"Is it true Old Knudsen that you're dating Salma Hayek?" being a gentlemen I like to be discreet where the ladies are concerned,"no I merely fucked her in the ass as she was on her moons and played with her tities, check out my Blog for the full story".

Don't worry when I'm famous I'll still remember you little people that read me during the time in which I was Blogging in a local Burger King while holding doon two jobs and supporting a family of 6. I have no idea who the family were, parasitic fuckers the lot of them. Of course you lot will disappear when I start charging £10 a post or £29.99 a month, what a bargain.

The movies this year are really really shite and I have not seen any of them but that doesn't stop me from having a go, I'm so disappointed in these films, so anyway any other categories I don't care like Sound Editing, who gives a fuck? and you can tell how bad a movie is when all its in is Visual Effects, Superman returns and Poseidon. If Scorsese doesn't do well this year he may very well cry, its his turn.
Here are Old Knudsen's picks for the 2007 Oscars.

Best Picture: Babel............ it has to get something card

Best Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio........... Not a great choice card

Best Actress: Helen Mirren............. Queen card

Best Supporting Actor: Djimon Hounsou ............If not then Eddie Murphy race card

Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett ..............we like her card

Best Director: Martin Scorsese..................... pity card


For each I get wrong I will donate £50.00 to charity. Or I'll just say fuck off, yeah that sounds better .