You Disgust Me.

Can a woman not piss out of her bikini without the press wanting a picture?

Its been a busy weekend but I really can't be arsed talking about it, they brought back hanging just for Paris Hilton, Jimmy Carter had a stroke and is now a vegetable but who cares? Margaret Thatcher (the iron maiden) died but the thing that gets on Old Knudsen's goat is the paparazzo, those fucking wankers that hang about outside my hoose to get a picture of me without my makeup on, not that I wear makeup. I'm no fudge packer no matter what others claim.

After my last post I was pleasantly surprised to find that Jessica Alba is one of my lurkers, she e-mailed me with several kind words and a promise of a date when her next film wraps up, I said I'd think about it, yep I'm so fucking cool.

Jessica is also plagued by the paparazzo and wonders why they don't get real jobs and if they even pay taxes.
Enough you paparazzo scum, so what if she wants to piss from out of her swimming costume? leave her alone, she doesn't want public attention she just wants to be left alone, well after Sin City and Into The Blue maybe she wants a little public attention.

Fuck I hate the Paparazzo and their telescopic lens, how the hell is this picture flattering? I would in no way buy a magazine with this pic on the cover, it disgusts me, who wants to see Jessica Alba on all fours in a bikini? I know I don't want to see it, give her a feed of chips and then she can do it, this week I will be focusing on how men and weemen are portrayed in the media, you may think this is a clever ploy to post porn but really there will be a message behind it, well ok if I can think of something better like the Thatcher funeral maybe I'll post about it.

My Knudsen Sense Is Tingling.

It may seem at the moment that Old Knudsen is fixated on hair colour what with his anti-ginger posts and all, this time its anti-blonde. Jessica Alba is a nice young gurl, a bit of a nympho, not too bright and a little on the scrawny side but I'd still do her if she dropped her kegs in front of me and begged for it, well it might happen. Alba who is of Mexican,French and Danish descent is dark haired with flawless olive skin that's just begging to be made in to a skin suit, now the twats in charge of the Fantastic four films have turned her into a crappy blonde, do not even think about saying that's how she is in the comics as Wolverine from the X fucking men is only supposed to be 5 foot 3 in tall unlike the 6ft 3in tall Huge Jackoff that plays him in the movies.

Have you seen through my ploy yet? who cares about Alba's hair? shes still weekend wanking material so enjoy I know I did.

Heidi Says No!

Poor little orphan Heidi up a Swiss mountain tending her flock, this was before she became a supermodel, got a taste for Seal meat and had 12 children. Seal meat is way too fatty for me and I don't like the dark meat as much as I like the white .

Ok it has to be said, Switzerland is a cunt cuntry that's full of cunts. Cuckoo clocks , chocolate, pen knives, cheese , Heidi and bank accounts. They even used the second world war to boost their tourism, when I escaped from Salag 18 the rest of my escapees wanted to go to Switzerland as it was neutral as many brave nations were back then, I told them to go and fuck I'd rather head for the neutrality of Ireland and that's a real hole. My comrades tried to talk me out of it using things like logic on me, "its too far and why not just go to England as you have to go past it" but I was stubborn and once I made my mind up that's that.

The Nazis used to go to Ireland all the time to meet up with their IRA friends so I grabbed a hold of a U-boat and held my breath but that's another story and stop trying to distract me from those cheesy, chocolate making chicken shits.

The last time the Swiss went to war was 1798 against the French, the battle lasted 11 minutes before one of the soldiers got a nasty scratch on his chin, all the other soldiers who saw the blood fainted and then both sides bravely surrendered .

The Swiss have a team of crack troops guarding the Pope, I'm sure old Bene the dick feels very safe, it didn't help John Paul when he got shot .The bodyguards hadn't heard gun fire before and fainted when they saw the Pope's blood.

The largest party in Switzerland’s Parliament the people's party are a right wing Christian group that are pushing for a ban on the Minarets that go along with Islamic Mosques, even though Islam is the second largest religion in Switzerland there aren't any proper mosques and with this ban that means there won't be either. They just don't want there kind around there.

I can't blame them as you can never trust anyone who doesn't like dogs, all those cat people out there should be shot, no seriously a human/cat hybrid (unless its Jessica Alba) is an abomination against God, use a toilet ya dirty fuckers and stop spraying on my door, oh and people who prefer cats to dogs as pets should be hanged, then cut doon alive and have their bowels burnt before their eyes their head cut off and their body quartered and divided and scattered to the 4 points of the compass and buried at crossroads (no not the motel) well that's just my opinion no doubt my more liberals readers think some sort of educational program might work better, I bet liberals like cats. Purr fucking purr I'm so fucking cute here let me rub my hair and fleas all over yer legs as a sign of affection, don't patronise me you arse licking yarn chasing users.

So anyway The People's Party with their Neo Nazi supporters are just tossers who are getting on as badly as the insurgents in Iraq who destroy rival Mosques and Christian churches so I say Switzerland stop being racist wankers just find a Bible passage that supports yer argument in some vague sense and use that to defeat the dirty heathen with, its the civilised way then you can fire bomb their make do Mosques with a clear conscience and still get into Heaven, not that I want a load of poofy Swiss running around in the After life.



Heres what Islam needs, a reform and more of those Islamic cunts cuming forward speaking out against the extremists, the nuking of Iran and Muslims acting a bit more white can I make it any clearer?