What Has Tibet Done For Me Lately ?

I myself have not been embarrassed about anything from the time Kenny Rogers tried to chat me up in a Vegas casino, I said "Kenny I love the Gambler but I'm not 'in' love with the gambler so fuck off ya poof."

I was close to embarrassment the other day. For some reason China will be hosting the Olympics, I thought Syria or Iran would have been better but what do I know? There are these cunts from Tibet trying to spoil everyones fun by protesting the torch runners and attacking guys in wheelchairs that are holding it etc. Well I don't like that kinda shite.

The facts are that Tibet is an arsehole place in the middle of nowhere with nothing to offer anyone, the US or UN didn't even go into Darfur when thousands were being killed why do they think anyone will do anything about China in Tibet?

China has given the US so much money they practically own them and as for don't buy Chinese, I'd like to see you buy otherwise at Christmas when the Spaceman and the warriors of the universe toys cum out riding their war space-ponies with their long braidable hair or Bratz cums out with a new line called Skankz who look more doon symdrome and slutty than before each toy cums with Tourettes, you push a button and the doll says, "Bitch" or "Hoor". For the boyz you'll have the Pimpz that say, "where my money ho?"

No one will save Tibet in fact I am surprised that Taiwan hasn't been invaded yet, the chinks don't care and soon they will rule the world.

Tibet needs to become Christian and find oil and then we'll see.

Because Killamory is such an important place the torch runner did a loop and ran through it, he had a power bar and power drink and then did some powerful urinating and had a power dump.

While waiting I saw the glint of a rifle scope up in the Killamory sniper bell tower so I went to see what was up. I didn't bother the police as they never believe me what I tell them now but I really do see the things I tell them I see .

I hugged the walls and did forward rolls across the open areas, special farces you know. I got a round of applause and some tips of some very nice people.

I crept up the steps and saw The Dali Lama holding what looked like a subsonic, suppressed weapon with rapid, multi-shot capability, minimal action noise, and no need to hunt down spent cartridge cases. Based on a Ruger Super Redhawk. A smaller, non-stocked version was made from a Ruger GP100. This used a .22 cal sabotted projectile in a .38 Special cartridge case, interesting I thought probably Swedish made.

Lama didn't give any indication he knew I was there until his foot whipped out and caught me in the stomach, I doubled over in pain and looked up at him smiling that smug I'm so superior smile he does, "What happened to peace Lama or are you just another two faced cunt like Gandhi?" he chuckled a bit and said, "Ah Storm Bringer (my CIA name) if you want peace you must prepare for war, I read that in a fortune cookie once." I got to my knees still gasping and said “I’m serious as cancer, when I say that rhythm is a dancer”.

He looked confused so I was up with an uppercut to his chin, I could hear the teeth crunch and I tossed his arse out the bell tower window and said,"Snap!" ................... they sung rhythm is a dancer oh never mind my invisible Greek chorus got it.

I looked doon expecting to see bits of lama all over the ground but there was nothing, a crow cawed or did it crow? anyway it sounded awfully like "you cunt" I had heard he could shape shift.

I went back to the crowd none of them knowing what a hero I was then I saw it, some cunt was running off with the torch, I ran as fast as my prosthetic leg would let me and tackled the fucker, the torch went out as I knocked his pan in , "free this" thump "give the Lama my best" thump.

The peelers jumped in and pulled me off to jail, I have my own cell.

It seems that it was just someone running with the torch posing for pics while the runner had his extra long shite.

No people don't call me a hero, I'm just a guy with a blog or 10.

Latest OBB News Up-Dates

Son You Don't Have To Fight To Be A Man.

Blessed are the lamb chops for they will get in my belly.

I want to tell you about a time when I knew a man who started life as a simple carpenter but went on to become known to all and effect the way we live our lives. Yes I am talking about Harrison Ford, I would so wear that Indiana Jones khaki outfit with his hat and whip but I'm a fucking Spring, only those fucking Autumn coloured people can get away with that. The man is a twat, there that's him discussed.
Coincidentally another ex carpenter man I wanted to talk about was Jesus, I wasn't always the fine upstanding protestant you see before you, no, I was a sinner a drinker, a fornicator , a teller of falsehoods and I also sacrificed homeless people to the dark Gods. Yes I have indeed changed my ways as I never lie and hardly ever get my hole. A few years back I was a disciple for Jesus ,not an apostle, that would be Rod and his staff of comforters, like tech support for us. My main duties were to write scripts for him, put up posters and handout leaflets advertising the shows and to wash his feet . The feet washing was a little too close to my comfort zone for my liking.

Jesus was the son of God, well that's what he told us, I think he was embarrassed because his real Da was in a cult called the Essenes, a weird lot to be sure, like the Masons but instead of a secret handshake they hump each other's legs until they get a happy ending. He kept insisting he was from a virgin birth but everyone always brought up the bloodline that went back to King David thing he wasn't fooling anyone, hey I used to tell people that I was adopted and my real parents were dead, didn't make it true.

Moses messed everything up over on mount Sinai, he didn't bring doon the tablet that mentioned that everyone should be Protestant if they expect to get into Heaven (as all the Jews up in Heaven kept starting wars) so it was up to Jesus H Christ the first great protestant to set things right, to be honest the lad was a bit soft and kept going on about if someone hits you turn the other cheek to let them hit you there and if someone sues you then give them your cloak as well, how dumb can you get? to quote the Kenny Rogers song 'Coward of the county' " sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man".
He didn't believe in fighting for himself but his minder Peter always had a sword hidden to chop off an ear when needed.

I'm a kill all the trouble makers kinda of guy and that's the only way towards peace, just like God would, those fucking Hivites, girgashites and the Cannanites, kill them all and take their lands so that the master race er I mean the chosen people can live there, its God's will and you can't argue with that, well you could but you'd be wrong so when I wrote my first draft of the beatitudes they didn't go doon too well, not what he was looking for.

Blessed are the heavily armed for they understand the way of the world.
Blessed are those who run pubs for they are my best fucking mates.
Blessed are the children for they will inherit the Earth or whats left of it after we're done.
Blessed are those who hunger in the name of fashion and porno mags.
Blessed are apathetic traffic police for they shall not nitpick over 10 MPH.
Blessed are the pure of heart or as its also said,"a sucker born every minute" for they shall buy my swamp land to build thier hoose on.
Blessed are the meat pie makers for they shall be called the sons of God, yummy!
Blessed are those that support the death penalty for they are doing God's work.
Blessed are the bloggers but only those that read Old Bitter Balls, fuck the rest.

That's all I got to before Jesus twitched his finger and Peter threw on out of the room.
Everyone knows that Jesus was a little touchy about divorce, that was because his wife Mary Magdalene made sure he knew and understood the ground rules as he preached them to his flock of giggly teenage gurls who were in need of a good hard blessing and others who were just afraid to die and wanted to exist forever in fairy land listening to the Heavenly choir, fuck that, there had better be cable put in by now.

My humour was not always appreciated by jesus and the other disciples, when a woman was caught in the act of adultery the Scribes and the Pharisees brought her to Jesus and said that Moses (yes that fucker was a nutter) in the law commanded that she be stoned to death and to try to trick Jesus they then asked what would he do? (what would Jesus do?) Jesus drew in the sand distracting the priests while we slipped him a note with the answer, "he who is without sin among you , let him throw the first stone", oh c'mon I couldn't help myself a nice flat rock lay at my feet, that was my last day as a disciple they quickly replaced me with someone called Lebbeus Thaddaeus , I mean what a dork that guy was, lucky shotguns hadn't been invented then or this disgruntled employee would of taken the lot of them out.
I ended up going to the biggest trouble makers in town, it was a gang called The Jews, I told them my name was Judas Iscariot, as he was a skinny Goth dude that wrote poetry and therefore automatically suspicious of any wrong doing it was a perfect cover and I made up shit about how Jesus hugged trees and said that dreidels were lame so they went to the Romans and demanded justice.

A white blue eyed fella from the Middle east that wears sandals and is a bit of a sissy.

Jesus wasn't a bad lad, he just wanted a compound full of his young firm friends that would worship him unquestioningly, I don't feel bad about touting on him, one less hippy, I'm the one people should feel bad for, do you see a disciple in the Last Supper painting wearing a flat cap ? and 30 pieces of silver isn't much after tax , poor Judas though, what a goat.


If this post offends any of my readers then I'm very sorry. Only kidding away and fuck, go to the Scottish Embassy and burn a Saltire if ya like, at least I didn't make fun of him for wearing a nappy on the cross.

Dedicated to all the Pagans on this day of the Winter Solstice, the rebirth of the Sun.



For further unfunny religious reading go to here.