Scotland Where The Weemen Are Smokin

Great news people even with the world wide recession that has caused many a depression the number of young people smoking in Scotland has returned to the fantastic levels not seen for the last 10 years.

In fact nearly a third of people between 16-24 are smokers. I am excited about this, when the world falls apart you can always count on Scotland.

The government says more needs to be done to start the smokers at an early age and are looking to Glasgow Airport hero John Smeaton to lead the smoking campaign.

John Smeaton holding up his medal for smoke breaks in the face of terrorism.

John Smeaton gained world fame when he kicked a suicide car bomber in the knackers while on a smoke break during the attack on Glasgow airport.

In the 16-19 age group, young women generally have higher smoking rates than young men. In the 20-24 age group, male rates exceed female rates. Yes the race is on.

A study in America sponsored by Marlboro has found that smoking makes you look cool and more mature. The second hand smoke from smoldering terrorists is twice more likely to give you lung cancer than tobacco.

Public Health Minister Shona Robison said: "We are committed to doing all we can to increasing smoking rates in Scotland - both by encouraging more smokers to start and encouraging young people to see it as part of our national identity."

In Old Knudsen's own special opinion if you kiss a woman and she doesn't taste like an old ash tray then she isn't worth a second shag. Ach I do miss the Killamory weemen, their facial hair tickled my balls in only the way a mannish Scottish woman could.

Gog bless you Smeato for you are the new Braveheart ................. smoking with asthma takes courage, you try it if yer man enough.

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Poor Wee Kenny Has Met His Snatch.

Last week I met this lovely Gurl named Nancy at the health centre. I was in because my right elbow was making a squeaking sound which was very off putting when I'm tugging the lad and is a dead give away when I'm doing it all sneaky like in public, she wouldn't go into detail as to the reason she was there, I asked if it was "woman's trouble" and she said it was, that's all I needed to know, a woman can talk for hours about the state of her stench trench.
I should have made more of an inquiry when I heard she was from Arbroath. Two things cum from Arbroath. Smoked kippers, Arbroath FC and hoors, hold on make that three things. Nancy wasn't hideous and did actually smell a little like smoked kippers which I found to be quite arousing but whats more important is that she laughed at my jokes and had a willingness to get naked.

Being a gentleman I wasn't going to jump the gurl on the first meeting no matter how much she begged me to (I get that a lot) so we went for a delightful walk in the park and we had a dry hump against an Beech tree.
Am I the only one that gets turned on by the sight of a smooth pale Beech tree stretching into the sky like a naked body?

Heres where I get all technical and computery, a week later and I haven't called Nancy up because I'm trying to keep her keen, besides is that a 3 or a 5 in her number? I then notice I have warts all over my hard drive and my laptops I think I might have VDU but who the fuck uses a MAC for a dry hump? I'm not pissing razor blades I'm pissing electric shavers cords, plugs and all .

Well I'm off to the city for a shot of Pentium® 4 so don't wait up. I am just going outside and may be some time.