I get e-mails all the fucking time from readers and lawyers etc and sure I don't read half of them mostly just the ones with pictures attached.I got an e-mail from a reader who sends me pictures of disgusting homemade porn of herself all the time, when I get about 20 or so more I'll be starting up a new blog about it. Anyway I won't give you her real name, I'll refer to her as 'BJ' from Canada.
BJ asks me:
Dear Old Sweet-cheeks What animal have you had sex with that most resembles a woman?
I was totally disgusted. How dare you. I enclosed the above picture to remind you that I'm a war hero, ach I don't like the word 'hero' anyone could have taken out that machine nest with an empty rifle using it as a club to bat away bullets and then killing the two Krauts with me bare hands and carrying 8 of my wounded comrades back to safety while under sniper fire with a painful blister on yer heel.
Anyone could have piloted their X-wing doon that stench trench on the Brown Star and fired their space bullets to hit a 3 inch target to destroy it thus saving a galaxy far far away.
And I don't think its very special to walk through Nazi invaded France to save a private Brian getting killed in the process just so he can fuck off home.
Well ok maybe I am a hero, perhaps a superhero but I don't like to brag but I have tourettes syndrome so I do anyway "ARSE" see? I even have it in type no impulse control at all .
I am revolted that anyone would think that I have had carnal intercoursal knowledge with a beast of the sea, sure I may have choked the chicken of the sea but that was for science.
Anyway in my experience the most human like animal to have sex with is a Dugong or sea cow or 4th wife.
Do you know what its like to catch yer wife with another man? probably not because I'm fucking fast on my feet.I used to like to watch my wife with other men as I sat in a dark corner with just the glow from my cigarette showing.
That marriage didn't last long as she died unexpectedly when we took a road trip to Vegas back in 67. Fuck that was a hot year.
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