A limp useless penis: Not my limp useless penis as mine is super stiff and multi- functional . The Duke of Wellington once said, "If a man says he is not afraid to die he is either lying or he is Old Knudsen" that was right after I captured Napoleon's eagle during the battle of Watergate. If yer gonna keep a bird of prey you should keep it on a leash even in the park.
Old Knudsen may welcome death as a nice wee rest until the next time the planets align but he is afraid well when I say afraid I don't mean in a stand on a chair just because the floor is covered in cobras way I mean afraid in a way of people seeing me display affection or caring in some way.
Here are things Old Knudsen is slightly afraid nay um nervous of.
Dinosaurs: Too many bad memories from childhood.
Surveillance: Bill Gates is super paranoid, him and his robot mosquitoes. If he ever found out my blogger password you'd have nice posts about saving not killing the hungry Africans.
Surveillance: The Vatican robot spiders looking for a sign of weakness in Old Knudsen. 
Killer robots: A terrifying outcum of all this surveillance technology when the Spam bots rise up and finally take over. I blame the I.T. people as they are just not right in the heds.
Jesus: I hope he never returns cos I owe him a lot of money.
Woohoo's parents: Cybil and Burt for they are as crazy and as unpredictable as a serial killer on crack. 
Feminists: Lets call a spade a spade..............' Man haters ' with no sense of humour they are clouded by their issues as much as any Neo Nazi is. So are feminists for or against being feminine cos it seems they are just for hating Old Knudsen.
Prison: Serving more time in that jail run by space drag queens, don't get me wrong they were great the showers were warm and soapy but the food was minging.
Losing a loved one: Old Knudsen has lost count of how many times he has had to throw a loved one into a dumpster wrapped in an old carpet (a mark of respect) 
Lemurs: Those bug eyed monkey rats will take over the world and no one will see it except crazy Old Knudsen who has been dismissed for years as being nuttier than squirrel shit, enjoy yer cruel lemur Overlords ................. fools! 
Erectile dysfunction: See top picture, this um worry is also combined with having my willy drop off which is what my mother said would happen if I didn't stop ............... well you know what boys are like. 
Hostile 17: Old Knudsen loses his edge and gives into the bland mainstream and is no longer true to himself. Old Knudsen is The Kevlar Rooster who will stand up for the weak and then drink their blood, his mood is anti-social and his swagger is manly cos he is sure of himself.
Allen Rickman: More and more people are saying what a hunk of a man Rickman is which means they are saying it less and less about Old Knudsen. Rickman is a minger paint him green and he'd look like a wicked witch.
Kanye West: Old Knudsen likes to ................. "I'm happy about your post but the post Manuel had about that ghey bar was the best and most revealing in the world".