Let Us Prey............... On The Weak

The Bible is the best selling book of all time, totally out selling Old Knudsen's collection of cunt poetry. 50 Bibles are sold worldwide every minute so that means 'there are 50 born again every minute' not 'one born every minute.'

The Bible is also great for reading while having a shite. The paper is the same as that cheap toilet paper so just rip out the bits you don't like and wipe yer hole with it, all that peace and love stuff can go for a start and before you know it you have standard to live yer life by.

If God was on his side then God is evil and Satan is good so therefore this is the great lie that is spoken of. Makes sense to me, you just don't want to believe.

The Bible is also the most shoplifted book in the world. probably those Fenian cocksuckers.

In Kenya just recently a mob of 300 killed 11 people in their town that they suspected of witchcraft, sounds like God's good work to me.

A plea from little Johnny

Grandfather if yer reading this please cum home we love you.

Fact: No American has died of old age since 1951.

That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.

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Fuck Me Blind Elmo.

Elmo loves you whether you like it or not, what a wee fucker can he not respect my wishes?

I was sitting in front of the telly with my service revolver drinking heavily to blot out the horrors of my past and to deaden the pain of my present existence then Sesame street came on, doesn't time fly went you're having fun, soon it'll be lunch time. I watched the little furry creatures singing and dancing in their patronising high pitched American way and I said to myself, lucky that Jim Henson fella is dead or I'd have yet another murder I'd have to explain.

That Elmo fucker was very annoying, whats his deal ? is he retarded like the big yellow bird? fucked if I can remember her name. I know I've mentioned the little red bastard before but that's what I do, I harp on and say things like, "will no one rid me of this retarded muppet?" in the hope someone takes the initiative. Any way I have always thought that 'tickle me Elmo' sounds like a euphemism for double clicking yer mouse, you ladies know what I mean, if you don't then take some time out and explore the land doon under, the stench trench of delight.

A stench trench on Valentine's day, yep washed and shaven just in case.

I did some research into Elmo for a new product to replace the tickle me one and this is what I came up with.

'Abuse me Elmo' I will await the anonymous comments saying,"I was abused by an uncle named Elmo this is not funny" well I disagree, an uncle named fester or Elmo is hilarious besides you were probably asking for it.

'Insider trade me Elmo' Martha makes me all full of the horn, I wouldn't mind trading inside her, or I wouldn't mind doing some time in her or I . You know what? I think you get the message, I'd give her the message alright.

'Eat me Elmo' the gift that keeps on giving.

'Whats the fucking point me Elmo?' after Mr Noodle the brother of Mr Noodle died things just weren't the same. hang all the reds.

'Suck me dry Stalin' Ever notice how much Elmo Looks like Stalin?

This Is The End, Elmo My Friend The End.

If there are any children in the room quickly bring the wee fuckers over and show them the picture, see what happens when Sesame Street tries to promote healthy food? it kills you. For years Cookie Monster was content with his moment on the lips and a lifetime on his hips, he was happy. Now they take away the cookie and say "here Cookie Monster have a nice healthy piece of broccoli" cruel and unusual treatment for a long time employee, now the Cookie Monster has an identity crisis and is on anti- depressants, the poor bastard.

Elmo was always the yes man, that's how he became the star. If life was fair the 7 foot retarded 50 year old yellow bird should be the star, he was there from the beginning. I guess Hollywood wasn't ready to break the bird mong barrier, I like my mongs like Forest Gump, you know a heart of gold that won't lick yer face and that you can still take the piss out of, I call them 'mong lite'.

I've always wanted to find a dead body, preferably an attractive woman but so far that hasn't happened.
While out yesterday with my grandson Gavin we saw the lifeless body of Elmo on some waste ground, we think his heart gave out, must of been all that healthy eating. I heard the guy that invented the power bar, a real fitness freak dropped dead of a heart attack while standing in a bank queue.

Let this be a warning to anyone that jogs or eats things like salad and drinks water, do you know what fish do in water? well at least the children are safe from 'Tickle me Elmo' which sounds like a Pedo chat up line.