Elmo loves you whether you like it or not, what a wee fucker can he not respect my wishes? I was sitting in front of the telly with my service revolver drinking heavily to blot out the horrors of my past and to deaden the pain of my present existence then Sesame street came on, doesn't time fly went you're having fun, soon it'll be lunch time. I watched the little furry creatures singing and dancing in their patronising high pitched American way and I said to myself, lucky that Jim Henson fella is dead or I'd have yet another murder I'd have to explain.
That Elmo fucker was very annoying, whats his deal ? is he retarded like the big yellow bird? fucked if I can remember her name. I know I've mentioned the little red bastard before but that's what I do, I harp on and say things like, "will no one rid me of this retarded muppet?" in the hope someone takes the initiative. Any way I have always thought that 'tickle me Elmo' sounds like a euphemism for double clicking yer mouse, you ladies know what I mean, if you don't then take some time out and explore the land doon under, the stench trench of delight.
A stench trench on Valentine's day, yep washed and shaven just in case.I did some research into Elmo for a new product to replace the tickle me one and this is what I came up with.
'Abuse me Elmo' I will await the anonymous comments saying,"I was abused by an uncle named Elmo this is not funny" well I disagree, an uncle named fester or Elmo is hilarious besides you were probably asking for it.
'Insider trade me Elmo' Martha makes me all full of the horn, I wouldn't mind trading inside her, or I wouldn't mind doing some time in her or I . You know what? I think you get the message, I'd give her the message alright.
'Eat me Elmo' the gift that keeps on giving.
'Whats the fucking point me Elmo?' after Mr Noodle the brother of Mr Noodle died things just weren't the same. hang all the reds.
'Suck me dry Stalin' Ever notice how much Elmo Looks like Stalin?
