Only A Man Confident In His Sexuality Calls His Plane Gay

Colonel Paul Tibbets of the US air force who flew the B-29 bomber named Enola Gay (named after his mother who was ghey) and dropped the "Little Boy" atomic bomb on Hiroshima 6th August 1945 killing out right 140,000, died this week aged 92 during a kick boxing session, he had failed to warm up.

He never showed regret over doing it which is just right as he saved more lives than he killed and considering that after 3 days the Japs still said "go fluck yerself" and had to have another bomb dropped on them, shows you the only way to beat fanatics. I'm telling you the middle east would make a fine car park, and a good exit strategy.

In 2005 the retired Brig.General Paul Warfield Tibbets Jr was asked if he would repeat his actions , his answer was, "Hell yeah, I'd do it again."

Those slitty eyed cunts started it and in yer honour sir I shall say, America Fuck Yeah!

Kid 'n' Play

South Korean president Roh Moo Hyun went to North Korea to have a summit meeting with Kim Jong il. This is the second such meeting between the countries in more than 50 years. It wasn't trade or the fact that the two countries are still technically at war with each other (as is the USA and North Korea) the main tension point was, who looked taller? Kim went for the shoe lifts and the extreme hold gel but Roh won by a hair.

Needless to say Kim was outraged and was this close to throwing Roh into a pool to be cut to pieces by sharks with frickin lasers on their heads.

Warp Factor Sex.

"C'mon, you have to be able to feel it now, its ready to launch."

A while back when the fishing wasn't bringing in enough money to live on I looked for work further a field, well not exactly a field more like a space.
I signed aboard the USS Enterprise which was just about to embark on its 5 year mission , to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations and liberate whatever things of value they had, to boldly go where no man has yet messed up.

The aptitude test was easy, "Do you like science?", "Do you like responsibility?", " Are you good with machines?", "Do you like to thump people and brag about it?" I bet ya can't guess my answers. They thought it best I go into security.

The flaming red shirt and tight black Capri trousers seemed abit ghey but you know me, I'm ghey for pay besides I liked the camel toe it gave me balls.
The captain was a nut job named Captain Kirk, a strange fella, from Iowa I believe which is famous for the crazy bastards that live there. I think the corn those corn fed fuckers eat has been genetically altered a bit too many times .

The Enterprise was the only ship that required the men to wear the skin tight trousers and the ladies to wear fish nets and mini skirts. Kirk would always be ripping his shirt and offering to wrestle nervous crewmen, the nickname he got was Captain Grab ass, he heard it being said one time but thought they said, "bad ass" and that added to his swagger.

Doctor McCoy loved to watch the wrestling, he had the nickname "Boner." Kirk was always saying things that you didn't know if he was joking or not, his favourite was, "Phasers on date rape" which would always get an excited giggle from the doctor. When he was to be beamed up he'd say,"Scotty beam me up" then he'd mumble, "in the ass" and Scotty not hearing that would say,"aye Captain" causing the doctor to almost wet himself.

The executive officer 'Spock' was a cool character, half Elf half English man, a queer combination if ya know what I mean, looking doon on everyone cos he went to public school to learn how to be buggered and fire off sarcastic quips, that bloke was always on his Pon farr it seemed, penis issues no doubt going by ear size is no indication .

Everyone knows that Asians and people with Jesus stickers on their cars are the worse drivers ever but still we had a fella named Sulu drive the Enterprise , he made me feel uncomfortable the way he undressed me with his slitty eyes.

Just something odd about that fella, I can't place my finger on it.

The only other Jock on board was Scotty the chief engineer, he liked his drink but it made him depressed and insecure, he was always looking on the dark side, "ya cannae do it" or "shes not gonna blow shes a leezer" he really got on my tits, he caused half of the engine's problems just so he could fix them and look like the hero, that's how insecure he was.

We started out with a compliment of 50 security guards, in no time it was doon to just me and Ensign Pulver, it was like Nam all over again, you weren't there asshole I don't want to talk about it.

We'd draw straws to see who would go on away missions with weemen in the landing party. I made sure Pulver drew the short straw, he wasn't much of an artist.

Weemen on the landing party means the rest of the party are distracted by trying to see her giblets when she bends over or kneels doon, and while I like giblets I also want to see the Liver Ripper from dalron 4 creeping up on us to rip our hearts out (misnamed it was) anyway the charming and powerful alien on the planet usually gets the gurl, she stays behind to "study" them if you get my meaning.

"Aren't you a pretty one? you're going to be ripped apart by my lovin."

Poor Pulver had his head blown up by a piece of alien rubber with tinsel on top a week before the 5 year mission was canceled due to lack of interest.

The crew went their own ways, Spock was slipped some acid and went through a hippy phase trying to achieve some form of uptight enlightenment. McCoy defended himself against charges of fondling unconscious patients he soon found peace in the Priest hood (which is the neighbourhood where all the Priests live) Scotty was tried for sabotage and Kirk became a Rear Admiral with Sulu as his head man.

Chekov didn't exist as even in the 23rd century they wouldn't have a Russian on the command deck. Ahooryou didn't exist either, who would put a neck wiggling angry black woman on communications ? "we be axing you 2 surrender or we'll open up a can on your whitey/greeny ass. " Its funny the shite some people make up.

Pick The Peanuts Out Of This.

When Old Knudsen heard the news of the attack he jumped into action. Well to be honest I get all my info from the orient via a slow boat from China and Harry Carry who is fond of his opium so it may be weeks before I find anything out.
One of our own was viciously attacked and left for dead, read the full story here.
The attacker was described as a yellow man wearing a top hat and carrying a walking stick.

As this Blogger lives in Japan that could be anyone, go on you try telling them apart.
The victim was Gaijin Gurl and the motive for the attack is unknown.

The arm of Old Knudsen is very long I had my man go around Japland asking any shifty looking people if they knew any thing about the attack, we soon found out there are a lot of shifty looking people in Nipon, must be the slitty eyes.

We happened upon a fella named Tamigotchi Tophato who fitted the bill. I did not hesitate on giving the order to grab him off the streets, no one needs a nut like him running around, we put the squeeze on him and the fucker cracked, he spilled his guts so we dumped him for the police to find and to serve as a warning to other nutcases, who cares if a nut gets assaulted? Gaijin Gurl has been avenged.

See what happens when you fuck with a Blogger? Vengeance is mine saith Old Knudsen.

Dr McSweaty

I went to the Doctor guess what he told me , he said I was ugly.

I went to my Doctor today as I Have been feeling a little out of breath and have a bad cough, I suspected the Asian flu, fucking Asians, finally getting their own back on me for talking about their yellow appearance and slitty eyes, some nice weeman though, well as long as you get them under the age of 35 because after that their tradition says they must get whacked with the ugly stick. It was said that only Nixon could of went to China, well that was a load of bollocks as Wham also went there, hence the bad feelings towards the British, well I'm not here to talk about slitty eyes, who am I Prince Philip? that fucking racist, no I'm suffering.

Of course when a Doctor's appointment is for 3pm and you get there at 2.45 pm do you get to see the Doc at 3pm? do ya fuck, if sick people can be on time, those at the Doctors office take their time because obviously you aren't really sick, mind games those bastards play. My normal Doctor wasn't there as he was sick himself, shows ya what a fucking useless Doctor he is if he can't even keep himself healthy, no wonder I'm falling apart, all his fault.

During the hour I waited I perused the stack of magazines on a little side table, Woman's own, People's Friend and a Trout fishing monthly from 1956, all very interesting. I then read through 'Senior Life' magazine, all those white haired smiling people that have now taken up parachuting or extreme slipping on ice, what the fuck do they have to be happy about ? do they take up these sports because death isn't coming at them fast enough ? then I read about a survey that was of interest to me. It seems that a study funded by the Geriatric swingers club of America shows that men in their twilight years that can still get it up make the best lovers, 87% of weeman have multiple orgasms with older lovers (over the age of 60) than a mere 42% of weeman with men under 60, hey I don't make this stuff up I just report on what I hear. I don't know why weemen bother with young men, why take the chance of having bad sex ? just saying. It also has a lot to do with where you get yer skin tags too, you see all these dildos with bumps and spiky bits sticking out, they are modeled after the old man's cock, I've got so many skin tags on Kenny that I call him the Pleasurenator . Kenny would be what my penis is named, please feel free to tell me the name of yer Knob in the comments men.
So you see getting old has its benefits.


Here is what my penis looks like, warts and all, that was a wee joke as they are skin tags, my willy wonker has inspired a line of Flicker Nubby dildos, or course its only that colour if the lass is on her moons.

I was getting annoyed at waiting as there were alsorts of unhygienic sick people about so I asked a few times where my fucking Doctor was and if I can be sick and on time why can't he do me the courtesy of being on time, a male nurse came out, yeah you read right, a male nurse (no offense to any male nurses reading this, its a lifestyle choice that I respect) this Florence was a big lad but I wasn't afraid, sure I made a few comments about him being a male nurse was he going to beat up an old fella like me? he took me to one side and softly told me that if I didn't sit doon and wait quietly he was going to sedate me and violate my body, he was joking right ? well if I hadn't been feeling bad I would have decked him so I went back and waited, that big Florence fucker kept checking on me with a smirk on his face.

"Are you trying to seduce me Doctor?" "Um no of course not, would you like me to seduce you Ben?plastics!"

When my name was called to see the Doctor I was sure glad to get out of there, thankfully my new Doctor wasn't an Asian, he was a Black chappy so I got to tell him my Asian flu diagnosis, he looked a little unsure about that so to put him at his ease as he probably isn't used to wearing a tie being from Africa and all I complimented him on his English, it was a little off in places but it was pretty good, he then told me he was from Kilmarnock, which made me laugh as we have a Kilmarnock in Scotland too, ah its a funny old world.

Look at these smug cunts looking at you , this is what they are saying "I'm totally going to get him a pink gown that shows his ass", "I'm gonna stick my fingers up his anus without wearing gloves", "I'm going to fuck his wife in the left nostil".

This lad didn't have a fucking clue, he told me to stop smoking, stop drinking drink and to eat better, what a fucking quack, that's what they always tell you when they don't know whats wrong. I told him not to fuck with years of Scottish tradition and to just give me some pills to make me feel better and I needed a refill on my Viagara (I only need it when I drink) but that stupid bastard said he was refusing to treat me until I started looking after myself, can those buckos do that? so what a big waste of time that was, he didn't even stick his fingers up me hole .
So that was my day.

Now here is the shock to all you 4 or 5 Old Knudsen readers out there, due to my social life being hectic with all those Christmas parties etc and having to look after Jill and Ted's (neighbours) doggy while they are on hols don't be surprised if I slow doon on posting, fucking real world, no I'm not going to fuck off for a week and then reappear all angry and jaded, if not every day I'll do every other day depending on whats going on, just breaking you in gently as the bishop said to the actress.