I Want To See My Lucky Charms Bouncing On Yer Chin

I don't talk about my Irish roots much but its Irish blog awards time again and it seems I'm longlisted for 3 awards. I come from the kingdom of Dalraida in the north which was formed by the true Irish, not the dirty protest, bog trotting type of today.
When the Milesians invaded from Gaul the real Irish (Tuatha De Danann) effected by falling property prices with all the dirty foreigners moving in went over to Scotland to fight and fuck the Picts who were quite hot.
I laugh when people go on about being Irish, yer just a pale imitation my shite comes out green for fucks sake, my piss has blood in it but that's another story.

I drink to excess every day whether I want to or not and a plate of potatoes arouses me sexually and my arse is so white it glows.

I wish the other so-called Irish bloggers with their weak blogs good luck and I wish myself just a wee bit extra good luck.

Old Bitter Balls has been longlisted for Best Blog .............. of course it is but as usual genius doesn't get recognised until long after death.

OBB News frank fearless free, is also up for Best Blog ............. I wouldn't say its the best just better than the rest.

'Al Qaeda fights ratings war' on OBB News for Best Blog post .............. I've done better, no one threatened legal action on this one.

Good luck to all involved including, Ellie, Manuel, Bock, Swearing Lady, Primal Sneeze, Medbh, Annie Rhiannon, Fatmammycat and Twenty(win all the awards)Major. I didn't put links in my post to you all in case it helped yer cause.



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I'd Like To Thank The Small People

Being a blogger is an honour no a privilege. I write my stories and an average of 161 people a day cum round to read them. Maybe you clicked next blog maybe you were looking for 'midget swallowing horse cum' or maybe you used to read me got bored and came round to check me out before you deleted my link , whatever the reason I thank you.

If 'YOU' didn't read me then what is the point to blogging? its not like I do this for me now is it?

It makes me feel special when visitors comment, spam or send me legal letters because you went to all that trouble just for me and my craft.

The other day I was about to quit blogging for good, my current gurlfriend had just ended our 3 hour relationship via the bathroom window I thought I had nailed shut and I just found out that my dog has a venereal disease, one of the nasty ones, trust me I've just got rid of mine.

I was sitting here all alone when I got a comment from a new person, it went:

" LOL , love your blog its soooo funny it made coke come out of my nose, BTW are you really an old man?"

It was from an American which is odd as I thought they were all on crack, coke is so 1980's and as for the old man question I get used to that, fucking rude cunts, a man of mature qualities if you don't mind.


Old Knudsen in happier days last week when his niece and her friend came to visit, lovely gurls.

I looked at their profile and they had just started their blog recently and then I looked at their blog and all the mistakes common to a rookie and not something I'd wipe me arse with, the only good blog is a Knudsen blog which is why you either want to do me or want to blog like me ya filthy dirty shites.

I saw in that shitty wee blog with its post about bagels hope and promise only to be found in a child's eye and I should know cos I have a bag full of them.
I read the post cursing Americans and their ways, as bad as the Chinese . Imagine shops that cook and serve bagels I mean those are cute doggies why don't people eat pugs?


So anyway I remembered the first joy I had when I started to blog then I went over to MJ's and tugged the lad over Manuel's arse picture.

When I see people in the street I can tell if they are bloggers or not, the miserable old fat woman holding up the line at the post office obviously has a lot to say and is without a doubt a blogger, the happy young couple don't blog as they are too busy fucking each other's brains out, give them 10 years a few babies and middle age spread and they'll be blogging.

This lass isn't a blogger..

With the exception of at least 19 people my blogging experiences have been great and I am constantly amazed and laugh my arse off at other blogs, of course they are all my other blogs.
Just to let you all know my news blog has made it to the longlist for the best pop culture blog on the Irish Blog awards even though I did briefly serve with Oliver Cromwell the scourge of the Irish.

Hey bygones and all of that stuff, I won't win anything (its all politics) but hey its the taking part that counts but if I start to post about leprechauns, Guinness , potatoes and ugly people then you know I'm just trying to impress the judges so top 'o' the mornin to ya .


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What Has A Hazel Nut In Every Bite? Knudsen Shite!

I've just been awarded an award from Witchypoo who sees dead people are tells them to "get a life!" she described me as

rages against the injustices of the world: yep and then some.

hides his heart of gold behind naughty images and saucy language: What the fuck? has she got the right person? cunt cunt shite fuck! there goes my rep as a blogging tough guy.

His mind races at the speed of light: So fast that I ..................................................................................... look a computer now what was I doing?

Brilliant man! And funny, funny, funny: I don't want to brag but its all true .

Warning: Not safe for work, children, or the devout: At least she didn't put 'adult content' that makes me sound like Larry Flint. I think children should be made to read me, as for the devout, remove the sticks from yers arses first please, God reads me and he loves it.

I shall update my side-bar if there is still room from all the rest of my awards, which reminds me bitches why don't you love me like this anymore? has the thrill gone? I shall expect an onslaught of love and awards, get busy.

Go visit Witchypoo, shes a psychic and will be expecting you.

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Reality Appears More Blurry When Looked At Through A Mirror.

Twenty Major at the Blog awards, did I already use this picture on another post ? I am a bad un.

Twenty major mopped up at the Irish blog award celebrations, no really all the Champagne was too rich for the old fucker's liver and he squirted arse juice everywhere, the staff refused to clean it up and told him if he wanted an award he had better mop it up himself. He did such a good job he got two awards, Best humourous post and Best Blog.
I haven't heard of any of the other winners but well done anyway I'm sure you're all very good in yer own way, and most Irish to be sure to be sure.

Well done to all who were nominated unless you support The DUP or Sinn Fein or any of their puppet enterprises because then you can fuck away off (I know my love of paisley is shallow but so am I) I was probably the only Ulster/Scot or Scots/Irish to get to the long list or the semi-finals, next time I promise I'll give a fuck, no really, it scares me to think of what Old Knudsen is capable if he ever tried, if I find out what a fucking Pod cast is yous are all fucked.
I hope I blazed a trail for those in the future (come on Norn Iron get yer finger out) and to those that said I didn't deserve to be in the IRISH blog awards, you can suck me bawbags and don't think ya fucking know me, just because I haven't the mark of Satan given to me by Father child diddler from Ballykissangel doesn't mean a thing, its the Internet ya dopes, that's World Wide Web incase ya missed that, not a local sports club or GAA so get with the 20 th century fools.
The logic is that if you're Protestant you have no claim to being Irish, go tell that to Yeats and Van fucking Morrison.
So anyway I hope it was a nice do.

I have a big black dog, a Lab mix of sorts, shes a big lazy bitch that nags me about walks, getting petted, cleaning out her ears and feeding her, you know crap like that, sometimes its worse than being married, well the sex is the same. On cold dark nights I'd nuzzle into her and she'd sigh and roll over.
I'm twice the size of this animal but she in the period of about 12 hours can do 6 large sized shits, I know cos I have have to clean up after her or my snooty neighbour complains about the smell, hes always getting officials to cum round here for barking (I like to bark) loud parties and screaming, I think he still holds a grudge from when I borrowed some tools and lawn equipment off him and sold it, a nitpicking wee shite hawk.
I feed my dog on dry food, just little balls of food and still she does 6 shits to my lucky to get one good un out, if anyone has any good ideas to increase my movements speak up, as long as you don't go on about eating vegetables, away and fuck ya silly bastards.
At my age a good dungy can be quite enjoyable, no wonder my dog does them alot .

So how did I go from talking about Blogging to shit? answers on a postcard to...........................

While I'm being senile and posting pictures I've already used I'll sneak this one in again, one of the better ones I think.