All You Need To Know About London From Old Knudsen

The great balloon display of 1940, Americans never came over to see it.

Cor blimey gov here is all the information you will ever need if you want to visit old London towne . Old Knudsen Lived in East Finchley for a while which is in north London of course where he ran ye olde porne shoppe, always good for a butchers. Here is a shout out to all my peeps, well actually I don't have any peeps cos the southern English are cunts, no offense its just the way it is, all a part of God's plan.

Old Knudsen knew he was a superior being then but it was totally confirmed when he came to America.
London was originally named by King Lud as Kaerlud then it changed to Kaerludein and of course the Roman Londinium. The last is from the latin meaning 'City of terrible sound' as the Roman soldiers really hated the Cockney accent, can you Adam and Eve it? Yes I may slip into cockney rhyming slang without explaining what it means.

It has also been called Londonistan and is the only place you'll find chav Muslims.

Later you have King Canute on the throne who is famous for being a canute which is Danish for cnut later changed to 'cunt' then the Saxons (bloody Germans) and then in 1066 AD (After the Danes) Norman conquered England. Norman the conqueror was a French Viking type from Normandy of course.

His son William became the next king and started to build Westminster hall near the abbey. You'd think it would have a hall but no it didn't only a entry way and porch.

In 1290 Edward I that wanker from Braveheart if you will kicked all the Jews out of England. We Scots are are the lost tribe of Israel, we were the Levis who made quality garments, we made the 501 kilt so we share a bond with the hooked nose money lending Deity killers.

Not to get bogged doon in history there was the Black death or death of colour, the pitiful Spanish Armada, War of the roses civil war one and two as we take gardening seriously, Guy Fawkes and his V for vagina monologues , beheading the king and the great fire of 1666 . All a nice wee bit of fun.

Then there was orphans, soot and pickpockets, a couple of wars the Americans were late for, some Fenian cocksucker terrorist action and a Dalek invasion.

The north and the south of London has the families, the east has only males and the west has west end gurls.
Everyone eats jellied eels, fish and chips smothered in salt and vinegar or else they are sent to the tower of London which does not have any lifts or escalators.


London gentry, never look them in the eye or they'll kill you with their razor sharp hats or cutting remarks.

The Queen has always hung about with a rum lot.

The Queen lives in Buckfast palace where she sits with a high powered rifle and picks off paparazzi or slow moving pedestrians. Its her thing and she is the Queen.

"You spilled my pint" "I'm so sorry dear chap how about pistols at dawn? no in fact don't trouble yourself to get up so early I'll just shoot myself its the decent thing to do."
.
You never threaten to sue anybody in London you insist on being sued. For instance if someone knocks you doon in their car it is you who is at fault for being in the way of the motor vehicle. You must apologise a lot and try to clean up the mess of their car. Paying for a car wash or mechanic is the right thing to do and if the driver looks shaken you must offer to be sued for emotional trauma.
If you fail to comply with the rules of London society you will be ostracised by ostriches and sent to Coventry which is a God awful place.

Elephant and castle ......... stick it up yer asshole.

Here is typical London attire, you should dress like this or you'll be singled out as a tourist immediately and looked doon upon. If you are Irish put on an accent or you might get stabbed in the tube, toob or subway as the Americans call it.


You Septic Tanks pay attention cos if you don't listen to what is being said you'll look like a Berkeley Hunt. I was going doon the frog and toad for a pig's ear but I was Boracic lint
so I asked this fella in a Whistle and flute for a hobb. I knew him from way back as I shagged his Skin and blister she had really nice bristols but had a tendency to raspberry tart round the back alley so anyway all he did was Bubble bath and told me to fuck off so I went home and had a J. Arthur Rank.


If you find yerself in London beware of the London eye . It will find you and nom on you until all that is left is yer feet which are thrown into the river Thames and get washed up in Canada. The river Thames is named after old Thamie a monster who lives in it eating all the fish which is why you'll never catch any in it, init.

Visit Big Bong, Nelson's erection and the nations finest pub 'The Queen Vic' but watch out you don't step on any street urchins as they are poisonous, piss on the wound straight away.

England has a state religion, no freedom of speech which is why there are no British bloggers so watch what you say and if you insult the monarchy expect to have yer hands cut off as punishment.

It is also a socialist cuntry so if you have a bag of sweets (candy) expect to share. A thing many travelers to the UK notice is the dental hygiene so bring enough toothpaste as you can only buy it on the black market (market of colour) for 12 packs of ciggies and some nylons.

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All I asked for was the head of Anonymous Boxer for possibly having a hand in the making of the next Hollywood Cockbuster 'Beverly Hills Chihuahua' and what I got was a mud wrestling match........ again . MJ turned it into a 'Who will get the old man's cap?' issue. I'm no ded yet. That MJ cannot wait to get her hands on my tweed and where does she get all that mud from?

I used Photoshite to obscure the identifies of some of these bloggers............... or did I? no really I need to know and who are you people and what am I doing here? ever think that Alzheimer patients were really just being philosophical with all their questions but some greedy cunt of a son or daughter wanted their inheritance or just didn't get it?

I once had a person who stood on a bridge and said "Whats the point?" which got me thinking and after 3 hours of discussion they rudely jumped off the bridge the silly fucker, you remember when I posted 8 times in one day on the subject even MJ begged me to stop (something she has never done before) Well we all had a nice day out at the mud patch which is on hallowed ground otherwise that many bloggers in one place would open a Hell or guitar rift and both Satanists and guitar players are such posers so fuck that, just in it for the sex they are, so shallow.

Oh and I was too lazy to do links and if you just got to this blog and don't know anyone, well I don't think I really care.


Mistress MJ readies herself for battle she has been here oh so many times before. Once you've had First Nation's mud filled hoo hoo on yer face even water boarding looks like fun.


Anonymous Boxer being a serious athlete warms up by dooning her sparring partner and a bottle of 'beat the wife'.


Miss Tachae forgot how hot the sun is south of the Canadian border and will not be participating. Having played a Doctor on TV I will administer treatment free of charge.


Inner Voices took time off from shooting at empty beer cans and butt raping city folk to referee the match. He tried to start on the count of 3 but needed help with figuring out those number thingys.


Everyone seems so sexy on the Interweb who knew I had so many hot readers?


Madonna wanted to join in but that is one nasty hoor bag and that was a used corn hob.

Momentary Madness was momentary aroused 'Viva Viagra!'


Jimmy Bastard had some business in Thailand to take care of and couldn't make it. He is asking for donations for legal help on his blog.


Mago insisted on restoring order and shot Mr Pineapples in the face for calling him German. Mr Pineapples my shite has more smarts than you, hes from Frankleberg or Franconia you twat which makes him a Frankfurter or a Hamburger or something.

Mago we demand to see yer passport.


Savannah had to leave the fight early as she needed a drink. I wasn't counting but that gurl sure likes her Penis Coladas .

Mj and Boxer realised that in war there is no real winner (except when we beat the IRA and the Argentineans and the Germans......... twice) maybe it was the Scotch that was in the both of them or maybe the mud stuck them together but the words, "yer my best fucking mate" was reported to have been heard.



Now off home ya scamps for some good clean fun.



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I don't talk about my Irish roots much but its Irish blog awards time again and it seems I'm longlisted for 3 awards. I come from the kingdom of Dalraida in the north which was formed by the true Irish, not the dirty protest, bog trotting type of today.
When the Milesians invaded from Gaul the real Irish (Tuatha De Danann) effected by falling property prices with all the dirty foreigners moving in went over to Scotland to fight and fuck the Picts who were quite hot.
I laugh when people go on about being Irish, yer just a pale imitation my shite comes out green for fucks sake, my piss has blood in it but that's another story.

I drink to excess every day whether I want to or not and a plate of potatoes arouses me sexually and my arse is so white it glows.

I wish the other so-called Irish bloggers with their weak blogs good luck and I wish myself just a wee bit extra good luck.

Old Bitter Balls has been longlisted for Best Blog .............. of course it is but as usual genius doesn't get recognised until long after death.

OBB News frank fearless free, is also up for Best Blog ............. I wouldn't say its the best just better than the rest.

'Al Qaeda fights ratings war' on OBB News for Best Blog post .............. I've done better, no one threatened legal action on this one.

Good luck to all involved including, Ellie, Manuel, Bock, Swearing Lady, Primal Sneeze, Medbh, Annie Rhiannon, Fatmammycat and Twenty(win all the awards)Major. I didn't put links in my post to you all in case it helped yer cause.



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By demand I have yer dirty picture. MJ, First Nations, A.Boxer, Marky and many more wanted to see Honourary Old Bitter Balls Vince Vaughn sucking a man's willy. No I am not disgusted at you I am disgusted at myself for doing such a thing, I mean posting the picture not sucking a willy anyway she was a gurlyboy we were married and it was a long voyage so get off my fucking back it doesn't count.

I have never had carnival knowledge of another man I swear on the Bible to that fact, it was a circus we were drunk so get off my fucking back it doesn't count.

I'm as straight as the next man (as long as that isn't Marky) and to prove how secure I am in my sexuality I shall keep this post up for 3 weeks to show that it doesn't bother me.

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I got this e-mail yesterday:

hello again oldknudsen
That was amazing, how many orgasms did i have? I lost count.

Jennefer palma

Damn it if I didn't rack my brains to figure out who she was, I usually don't ask names as I'm afraid to commit and also I don't care. What a strange name must be foreign which narrows it doon to 3 lasses then I saw a link which lead me to this.

That poor lad having to look at those words, look at his eyebrows, hes as queer as a nine bob note, my gheydar is on full alert. I don't think it matters how big it is as his companion looks a bit dead, hey who am I to judge what hes into?

It was an advert for EliteHerbal, a penis enlargement pill that will give you an extra 4 inches, plus a increase in Girth (Width) of 20% who wouldn't want that? well I don't as I am hung like a donkey.

To prove the pill works here are the examples they give.

Before and after shots.

I want to know why the guy was taking it in the first place.

Does he want to ride Britney and actually wants her to feel something? I was like a bee in a jar with that lass.

When I see a circumnavigated cock I imagine people without eyelids, this is one freaky looking willy but like a bad haircut it won't grow back. You weemen/shirt lifters need to get a medal for the mis-shapes you put up with.

Now to slap in some Old Knudsen sense. I am a cock master, nay a cock smith, I've had one for many years and have used it wisely and extensively just as a sniper would use his rifle, yes as any good soldier would do I sleep with my weapon of love.

Those examples. How fucking stupid do they think we are? yer willy while limp changes size all the time, the greater the range of change the more chance you have of having a decent sized knob.

Look at the boy David statue, he looks secure right? that's because his tiny flaccid noodle turns into a Michelangelo Ramming monster. I want to see hard cocks stat! well actually I don't, not right now anyway.

God bless ye olde photo shoppe instant results.

Another thing I don't trust are those diet pills adverts on the telly. Some smug cunt that loves their body gets out of shape and then as they walk and talk about the product they slim doon and tone up, BOLLOCKS! its all done by computer cos if you read the small print it says this should be taken with a healthy diet plan and exercise, if you were the type of person who exercises you wouldn't be looking for magic pills.

Before taking Slimzan extra.

After taking Slimzan extra.

To quote the EliteHerbal website it tells of the benefits to having a large cock.

" Anxiety, depression and low self-esteem have no chance against a big penis and rockhard erections that last much longer than before. Women will be impressed by the hefty dick that just keeps going and men will eye the bulge in your pants with envy. Now that’s what I call turning the tables!"

For years doctors have been giving out Prozac and all the other pills, could it just be as simple as a big cock? that doesn't explain my depression unless of course unless I'm lying and my Kenny is a sexual midget. Fuck now I'm depressed, remember Old Knudsen "It looks smaller looking doon at it" yep thats my mantra

Mr Softy.

I did a post a while back about Daniel Radcliffe or Harry fucking Potter appearing naked in the play Equus, but my picture didn't go doon that far. I was over at Mr Frobisher's blog and trust him to have it up so to speak, well the lad is of good quality while soft and excellent foreskin definition so enjoy.


Hello to all of you that have searched for, 'daniel radcliffe equus naked' , ya pack of dirty shites, its Harry Potter for fucks sake.