Next Time Yer On Yer Own

Yesterday was the 65th anniversary of D-day. Old Knudsen won't bore you with war stories like how when he landed at sword they wouldn't even let the men brew up on the sand, oh no they said go kill the Germans and then you can have a cup of Rosy Lee. Yes a horror story worse than any holocaust. Some people have said we were allowed a few sips and it wasn't as bad as we and thousands of other witnesses say but I was there and no tae passed these lips until I had killed *248 Germans*, I didn't take any prisoners cos I was fucking grouchy, blame the officers for not giving us a tea break.

The thing about killing Germans is once you pop you can't stop.

*Plus 67 members of other nations that got in his way*


French president Sarkozy is such a silly wee yank licking self promoter. He invited Obama to the 65th D-day anniversary but not any of the other leaders who lost thousands fighting the hun.

He wanted a special French/American day. I suppose it would make sense as the French made it possible for America to be free from the British and then America made it possible to be free from the Germans. Well they should have made it a day in which no one else was involved. We British were kinda in the war when it started in 39 and never surrendered unlike the French.

In fact Old Knudsen hadn't actually ended fighting the 1914-1918 war.

Don't you dare leave out the soldiers of Canada, Australia, Belgium, Czechoslovakia, France, Greece, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway and Poland.


" We surrender, no just practising in case North Korea invades."

The British press went to war on the subject saying it was a royal snub but the French shrugged like they do and said there would be other D-days and that they wanted to give Obama a private hand job.

Invites went out to the various nations and Gordon Brown (texture like sun) and prince Chuck turned up for the free D-day tea and scones.

Many veterans wore badges with the Queen's face on them to represent.

Old Knudsen didn't fight the Japs at Normandy, Dunkirk and Tescos just to have his beautiful Queen snubbed by the frogs, nor did he fight the battle of the Bulge on America's biggest loser just to be omitted from a solemn occasion such as this, he also didn't snipe at Hitler's head from a grassy knoll in 1963 for that was JFK.

Sure Churchill may have bombed the French navy when they were being stupid cunts but really when have the French not been stupid cunts?

Never trust a nation that fights with its feet and fucks with its mouth.

I Need A Holiday

The ancient Pyramids of Egypt, well I liked them, nice and pointy they were, even though I was unable to obtain an Arab woman to sexually defile in nasty sinful ways, it seems I wasn't dirty enough for them. Getting the knock back just makes me more keen to fuck an Arab woman up the Nile.

Virgin travel insurance did a report and found that many of the world's most famous tourist attractions were a bit of an anticlimax for the travelers. Well what can you expect when virgins go traveling multiple orgasms?

The Eiffel Tower was at the top of the list followed by the Louvre which I am assured is not a posh way to say toilet , at number three was Times Square. The most disappointing in the UK was Stonehenge, the Angel of the North and the Blackpool Tower.
Also on the list was the Pyramids and the princess Diana Memorial Fountain. The crowds and the hawkers were the main reason for disappointment for tourists.

What are people expecting? you go to these places because they are world famous and to give you bragging rights that you actually did something in yer boring life and everyone else has had the same idea so expect crowds and twats trying to sell you stuff .
How could you be disappointed with Stonehenge? its exactly as it says it is on the tin, a bunch of big stones in a henge.

You'd have to be some kind of Princess Di nut to want to look at a fountain and is she in the cement or something? to me she was like a candle in the wind, she was lovely wasn't she? as for Times Square what do you expect to happen there some sailor rushing up to snog you for a photograph ? if you go to Egypt for the Pyramids then fine but don't expect to see much else of ancient Egypt, you need to go to a British museum if you want to see good Egyptian stuff and theres less chance of being shot.

I can see the Eiffel and Blackpool towers being boring as fuck as would the Louvre be, it used to hold the holy grail but since the Da Vinci code film its been moved to Area 52 (more secret than Area 51) the Angel of the North is nothing than a big statue you drive past so you can remark on what a waste of money it was and what is it the Angel of Death? its hideous.

The Angel of the North

I'm more of a castle man myself and they don't need to be famous, I'm quite happy to climb up whats left of an old motte and bailey , that's two man-made hills, the motte with a small wooden fort on top and the bailey with a stockade for the animals in it joined by a small bridge that can be pulled in if attacked.

These forts popped up a lot from 1066 onwards in Britain after the Norman conquest and are doted around the UK, now they are just grassy hills in the middle of a town. I like to feel the history and to look out upon the same sights (even if they have changed) that the people who lived in the castles looked at.

A Motte which is some French word for a mound of earth or some such crap.

Once while in France in the town of La Charite I found a ruined medieval guard tower with part of the town wall still standing so I climbed up into it. There was an alcove with a stone bench with a circle cut out that hung out over the wall, a toilet in other words er sorry latrine to you frogs. No one was about so I sat on it and crapped into history, the silly buggers had ran out of toilet paper so I did as the Frenchies did and didn't bother to clean myself.

Louis 13th of France was nine years old when he was made king in 1223 so no fucker was ever going to tell him to eat his greens again (especially not sprouts from Brussels) he only ever had 5 baths in his lifetime and they were all unwilling he lived to the age of 41.

Worse still was his son Louis 14th who got the throne aged five and only had 2 baths in his lifetime that lasted 76 years .

Those dirty French buggers, I take a bath for my birthday and Christmas whether I need it or not and thats a lot of them so far. I wash me parts with a hand cloth if I think I'll get lucky with the weemen, we Brits have standards you know.