Advice For The Bros

Some men know fuck all about weemen and so the Lard has sent his favourite fallen doon and I cannot get up Angel to help them.

Weemen like strength and will admire you when you make all their decisions for them such as what to wear what not to eat cos they are already fat you get the idea.

They also like vulnerability, crying about seal cubs is a good one as no one really expects you to go up there and shout insults at the men who make a living out of clubbing. Peter Stringfellow can be seen around London a lot so giving him a punch in the back of the head will endear you to anyone.

Sexual role play can be exciting I wear a Star trek outfit and set me phaser to rough sex.

Weemen also respect a man who is family orientated so living with yer Ma is cool and besides anyone who moves out of a place with cheap rent and a free servant is an idiot Old Knudsen didn't have a choice as it was his Ma that moved out while he was sleeping. Someday I will get her real address.

Don't over think things, when a woman says forgetting her birthday is no big deal then its cool. If she acts like she is angry just ignore that as it is no doubt weemen's problems the fairer sex are quite similar to canines as they need food and water every other day and will lick peanut butter off yer testicles. Also if you commit to them you'll need to get a license.

"Honesty is the best policy" that was said by Harry Truman in 1936 and as true today as it ever was and if you can't trust the president who won world war II and disliked US Marines (trouble makers) then who can you trust?

When a woman asks does this dress make her ass look fat? without hesitation say "No!" this will please her greatly and a further piece of constructive criticism about how her ass is fat no matter what will no doubt be respected.

I hope this clears things up for you men out there who can't get dates and even get turned doon by hookers.

If in doubt Old Knudsen is qualified to handle counseling and divorce. For reasonable rates contact him at yousaidwhat@dopemail.com

The English Are Rubbish

The gurl on the left reminds me of the sister of a former ex of mine, the gurl couldn't pronounce her words correctly, no excuse for it, she sounded like a cross between a deaf person and a Teletubby plus she was fucking thick, a highly annoying individual.

A bloke was sleeping inside a large industrial wheeled bin and was emptied into the bin lorry and crushed to death by the compactor during a rubbish collection in Limerick. Workers at the recycling depot who found him wanted to turn him into food biscuits but instead called the police.

The homeless man in his mid 30's is thought to be from the south of England but had been over in Ireland for a few years now. South of England huh? a dirty people doon there so I'm not surprised by the whole incident, they make the Irish look bad they do.

This lass from the South of England (you can tell by the clothes) is just on her lunch break from the sex phone hot line.

I'm a callous cunt and I don't even believe in the existence of places named Limerick or Cork, that's just silly so I made up a wee limerick myself to cheer you up in case you are doon in the dumps as this Sassenach was.

There was a young man in a skip

Who desperately wanted some kip

And to his surprise

This idea wasn't wise

And he ended up crushed at the tip.


For the clueless out there (yanks in other words) I'll instruct you on British vernacular .

Lorry = Truck
Bin = Trash can (large or small)
Skip = Dumpster
Kip = Sleep
Tip = Where all the Garbage is dumped
The Dump = Where all the Garbage is dumped
Rubbish = Garbage
Rubbish = This Post
Biscuit = Cookie
Cunt = Bush
South Of England = Satan's Toilet
Dustman = Garbage man
Dust = Old term for shit as that used to be collected
Man = Those of Scottish descent
Hooker = A position in the game of Rugby

Look at this lad with his soft accommodating mouth, he wouldn't last a week on the streets, ah well if he doesn't work then throw him out.

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