Two Faced Cunt

AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! feel my rage/pain/discomfort.

The Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland Martin McGuinness launched a strong attack on politicians from the Republic of Ireland who said that people traveling to Northern Ireland to shop were being "unpatriotic".

Quick lesson in geography for the Americans. The Republic of Ireland is Ireland actual, full of Irish people who didn't fight against the Nazis in WW II because then they would have to side with the Brits who they hated more than Nazis........................ Many brave Fenians joined up on their own to fight the Nazis.

There is a border that separates the Republic (The South which is Irish ) and Ulster (The North which is British) Northern Ireland is a part of the UK and has the Queen on its money. They did fight against the Nazis thus earning them health care and Welfare like the rest of Great Britain.

McGuinness said:

"I think it is very patriotic for anybody born on the island of Ireland to shop on the island of Ireland,"

also:

"There were a number of tremendous evils in our society, one is racism, the other is sectarianism and I think an evil also is partitionism".

"What we need to recognise is that there is a free will of the people," he added.

The reason why people are crossing the border is because shops are doing a Pound sterling = a crappy Euro in order to entice shoppers. All about value.

The Taoiseach, Brian Cowen, said "We live in an island and people will make their choices, the important thing is that we provide best possible value for money and deal with the cost issues that arise."

Yes I said 'Taoiseach' which means in gheylick (head bogtrotter) so feel free to nominate me for best use of the Irish lingo in the Irish Blog awards.

Yes his surname is of Scottish origin don't think I didn't notice that.

Are you wondering why I'm annoyed yet?

The shithead on the right at an IRA funeral.

McGuinness joined the IRA in 1970 aged 20 , which is the 'Irish Repubician Army' a terrorist group as the real Irish army are in no way aggressive and don't even have weapons, pointed wooden sticks don't count.

By the start of 1972, he was second-in-command of the IRA in Londonderry.

He was convicted in 1973, after being caught with a car containing 250 lb (113 kg) of explosives and nearly 5,000 rounds of ammunition and was sentenced to six months imprisonment.
In the court he declared his membership of the IRA "We hav e fought against the killing of our people... I am a member of Óglaigh na hÉireann and very, very proud of it ."

There more gheylick, that means 'Warriors of Ireland' which is funny because they are cowardly, murdering terrorist scum, that should be worth the most bitter nomination.

So he doesn't like racism and sectarianism huh? two of the things the IRA have stood for and killed for.
Partitionism? killing yer own people didn't really bring yer cause together did it? even Ted Kennedy eventually snubbed you over it when public opinion about the brave IRA freedom fighters changed and they were seen as the scum they are. Its bad when a Kennedy snubs the Irish.

The free will of the people? For years all the people wanted was peace but no the terrorists on both the Catholic and the Protestant side wouldn't let them as they had their own agendas. In 1998 they even voted for peace.

Ach it makes me mad the way some people just change with the wind and say whatever it takes but really think something else.

You may be a part of the government now Mr McGuinness, taking yer lunch money from the British but on a short leash you'll always be .............. I'm watching you.

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And Jesus Said, "What About Ye?"

A poll of more than 1,000 people found that the people in the Republic of Ireland have more religious knowledge than those in Northern Ireland. only 31% could recite the First Commandment.

That's the one that says "You shall have no other gods before Me" I told the Big G at the time that this one sounded a little insecure, what does a big bad deity like you have to fear from those other silly gods? I told him to just say "NO!" so that can be interpreted as anything but oh no that cunt never listens to anyone, he asked me "do you not have to be stupid somewhere else?" I answered, "not until 4 O'clock."

Knowledge doesn't play a big part in the religion of Northern Ireland, sure they had this whole terrorism thing for nearly 4 decades over the true Protestant way and the evil Catholic way but really they knew fuck all about religion. Like the Islamofascists they make it up as they go along and use it as an excuse.

Here is what the Protestant majority of Northern Ireland know about religion.

If you go to a big stone church once a week you will get into Heaven.

Looking respectable at church means yer a good person.

Catholics are evil because ................. they work for the Pope and are all IRA terrorists, yep that sounds right.

Those who do not believe what you believe in are wrong and so therefore inferior and doomed.

You only believe what yer vicar tells you assuming you can stay awake and remember the sermon.

Its not my job to know the 12 commandments .

Jesus was a white blue eyed man and the first Protestant.

The Pope is in league with the Devil and probably an ex Nazi.

The naked body is sinful and drink is the Devil's vomit but as long as its you its ok to enjoy both.

If in doubt shout "NO POPE HERE" and refuse to listen.

I'm a torn man, Ian Paisley and George Clooney are both up for the Tipperary Peace Award. I don't mind being snubbed yet again (fucking bog trotters) but how can I chose between these two gods of goodness?

The Accidental Terrorist

Burn Dunluce burn, who the fuck builds a castle on a cliff anyway? I'd build it closer to the shops.

I have seen many travel shows that when they run out of real countries they go to Ireland, of course they have to mention Northern Ireland to keep things fair.
They always mention The giant's causeway, this is an area around the northern coast that has pillars of rocks that are hexagonal shaped and caused by volcanic activity probably about 5000 years ago when the Earth was made.
To give the boring rocks a bit of flavour and to make the Irish (Northern Irish) sound like backwards cunts they tell the tale of how Finn McCool an Irish giant wanted to fight a Scottish giant so he built the causeway to do so, its not mentioned why he did the hexagonal shapes though, I would have gone for crazy paving myself, its a silly story involving two chicken shit giants that run away from each other and how one dress up as a baby, its the Irish doon south that are the backwards ones, they are the ones that believe yer soul can be stolen if someone takes a picture of you.

The TV tourist may go to the nearby crappy ruin of Dunluce castle, that castle gets its picture everywhere and it doesn't even have a roof, its kitchen fell into the sea 100 years ago, yawny yawny cunt cunt.

Northern Ireland's capitol Belfast gets mentioned anywhere between 20 seconds and 3 minutes, they go to the Crown Liquor saloon, a pub that was built in 1826 and still serves drink. Its a pub for old men and dumb tourists who sit around drinking Guinness, the Guinness company have a nice wee racket going on there, its a pity the stuff is minging and turns yer shit black. It takes an hour to pull a pint of Guinness because the bar staff pull it half way and let it settle and serve someone else and forget about you, especially if they tell you they'll bring it over to you, no serious drinker orders that stuff, you could of had 4 pints of Harp by then. An average person drinks a pint in 15 minutes, no wait maybe that was an average person walks a mile in 15 minutes, if you do drink and walk use a bottle or a can cleverly hidden in a brown paper bag, no one knows what the fuck yer doing when you keep raising a bottle shaped paper bag up to yer mouth.
There are these black taxi tours now that take you round the murals and trouble spots of Belfast, " so and so was shot there, look another mural ." Good luck I say as the drivers they get usually have the thickest most common Belfast accents ever. The Belfast accent should be made a wonder of the world, its like nails on a chalk board, listen to Paisley, Adams or Mc Guinness talking and you'll understand.
I've lived in Belfast for about 10 years I've lived many different places, at one time I had a thick culchie accent when I lived in Ballymena but when I moved from there I worked on losing it as diversity in Northern Ireland gets you beat up, now I have a lovely lilting accent that's a mix between Irish and Scottish, in fact when I win the lottery and get a computer that's not run by squirrels I shall record my beautiful singing voice, who doesn't want to hear Old Knudsen sing "I'm so sexy" or "I touch myself?" I believe that fame is waiting for me.

After a night in Belfast the presenter goes to Armagh because when the church gets out the fat country boys like nothing than to play bowls at high speed doon the narrow country roads, they also love it went anorak wearing twats with bum bags (fanny packs) try to interrupt them.

Armagh was once the most learned place in the western world, it even has the hill fort of Tara but no cum and see the fat culchies play with their balls, drinking, betting and playing games on a Sunday, going to Hell I say.

Whats next for Northern Ireland ? well that's usually it, the same old things on the same programs, fuck that annoys me.

What about instead of Dunluce you go to one of the other ruined castles, we have a ton of them. Carrickfergus castle is a restored Norman castle from 1180 with a military museum inside, do you know whats inside Dunluce? grass that's what, theres no fucking roof. Prince Charles photographed Carrick castle, he didn't photograph Dunluce.

Has Carrickfergus castle ever fallen into the sea? nope, not even when Hitler bombed us, no insurance claims what so ever, Dunluce is a write off .

Carrickfergus was a town when Belfast was mud banks, King Billy landed there in 1690 to fight King James. Go visit the Andrew Jackson centre, that cunt's parents came from Carrick, also Carrick is the birthplace of the US Rangers in WWII.

Carrickfergus means 'rock of Fergus' named after the Scottish King Fergus who had leprosy and heard that the well (around what they built the castle later) had the cure for leprosy but on his way over a storm sunk his ship and the unlucky fucker died, see no giants building causeways , that's history man.
Go to the transport museum at Cultra and see 100 year old hooses, schools, banks and chapels that were knocked doon and rebuilt in one place, you can also see old time cars, buses and trains too.
There are a lot better pubs than the Crown in Belfast than the Crown, The beaten docket, Laveries, The Fly, The Empire, The Elms, a ton of them some with live music and comedians, forget all that Irish diddly eye music, who the fuck really likes that?
The Ulster museum in Belfast is free as is the Botanic gardens nearby, Belfast city hall looks more like a palace with its statues and pillars and there are the cranes at Harland and Wolff that can be seen from most parts of the city, that's the shipyard that built the Titanic, the finest thing built in Northern Ireland until the De Loren car plant opened (the car plant also sunk)

Over in Omagh you have the American folk museum where you can see the history of the uneducated Scots/Irish that made America the country it is today, yer welcome.

Boa island, fun for all the family as long as you like pagan statues and cow shit.

Boa island to see the Celtic statue of Janus and other pre-Christian stones, don't worry there are no Boas on the island, to confuse things the Irish use boa for cow in the gheylick language, and yes there are plenty of cows there.

All wrapped up with lovely scenery, speaking of which go drive round the beautiful Glens of Antrim and dazzle the locals with yer views on how small dirty and quaint everything is, they love that.

For everyone out there, the terrorist campaign to kill all the Protestants and force the Irish to take the 6 counties of Ulster back is over, the Prods won of course. Now there is a peace, everyone loves each other and are tolerant of beliefs and culture no matter how different. the people of Northern Ireland welcome you with open arms and after a few Pernod and blackcurrants with open legs too.

Crime no longer exists and places called libraries give out free books to one and all and Van Morrison songs are piped throughout the countryside, only Scotland is more beautiful.

Saying that don't visit during the marching season (or the silly season) April to August or you may find road blocks and have yer car taken and burned, its tradition.

Now fuck off to the Republic of Ireland, Eire, The free state or doon south whatever you want to call it and drive carefully, knocking doon an elf or pixie can get you a night in the stocks with used tampons getting thrown at you.

The Irish are a strange lot.