Over Heard At The Pub

Michael Jackson, Osama Bin Laden and the Pope in a plane

The plane is about to crash, and the Pope starts praying for God to save the Children.

'Fuck The Children' says Osama
To which Michael Jackson replies:

'Do we have time?'

A priest and a rabbi are walking along, and pass two young boys in the street.
The priest to the rabbi: You see those two boys? Lets go back there and fuck 'em.
The rabbi: Out of what?

A pedophile priest and a small child are walking in the woods. The child says 'it's scarey out here.' The priest responds 'if you think it's scarey, imagine me.

I have to walk out of here alone.'

How do you make a gay man have sex with your girlfriend?
Shit in her cunt.

Whats the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?

You can't eat a train carriage

What's black and doesn't work?
Half of Birmingham

"Hey that last one is just out of order you slitty eyed cunt."

Theres a moral to this post but I'm no pointing it out to ya.

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Happy Christmas If Yer Reading This Then Yer A Lucky Cunt

Born to be sacrificed by his deadbeat dad and too dumb to run from the Romans, millions believe this story but for some strange reason they don't believe my Blog which in my opinion is more believable.

Ok enough is enough, next you'll say that Saddam having WMDs is historical fact because most of the cunts in charge said so or that Sherlock Holmes is a historical character because he has a hoose in London.

I hope you got everything you wanted.

On my news blog I have a birthday of the day widget and today the 25th December it has Jesus Christ as having his birthday though it says there is no evidence of it. What scholars agree that Jesus is an historical figure? the holocaust deniers? religious scholars? sorry the Romans were sticklers for writing doon details and never mentioned him, here let me take the word some illiterate Jews gone wrong that didn't even know Jesus because Jews are a fucking stable bunch to begin with just look at the middle east today and where Christians and Muslims came from.

Nice beaver, "thanks I just had it stuffed" I'd love to bust that star.

From todays birthday widget

Most scholars agree that Jesus of Nazareth was a historical figure, a preacher and healer in Roman-occupied Palestine who was crucified in Jerusalem. He is the central figure in Christianity and an important prophet in Islam. Christmas, December 25th by the Gregorian Calendar, is celebrated as his birthday, although there is no evidence that this was his actual date of birth.

Did you have a white christmas? did yer partner give you a pearl necklace?

Lets get something straight, all that religious stuff is mythology, you say Greek mythology, Roman mythology, Norse mythology but you'll find some silly cunt looking for the Ark of the covenant on the 'History' channel .


Or were you as bored as this lass?

Religion only becomes dominant when it forces itself on others, replaces and out-breeds them which is why the Belgians are shitting themselves about their Islamic immigrant population and turning more towards those with white supremacist leanings.

This would be for Ellie before she complains about the lack of man meat in my post. He could make it Christmas everyday for you.

Commercialism and ignorance have mostly replaced historical fact and what mythologies they were stolen from. I blame the Yanks of course for a lot of it like their embracing of Halloween, Easter and Christmas to make them reasons to buy stuff, they even have memorial day sales for the fallen war dead, tacky but profitable.

The UK will be mini America in 10 years, its half way there already.

Did you get legless?

Santa used to be the pagan god of sailors, the end of December is the birth of the sun not the son, Easter is to fuck like bunnies and for the plants to re-awaken and Halloween is getting yer food ready for the long winter not handing out sweets to wee fat shites in masks.

Its funny how time goes on and life and death celebrations and festivals become bland meaningless ways to spend money and outcast anyone who won't play along. Mother's day, Father's day, Grandparent's day ,Valentine day or any other pulled out of Hallmark's arse day.

Appreciate those that mean something to you every day, it should always be mother's day (unless shes a cunt) give thanks for what you have and count yer blessings like when yer child smiles at you or yer coffee tastes extra nice one day and be grateful you can even buy the coffee.

I don't mean be a wet blanket that says peace and love dude, save the whales I mean just live on yer terms and not be dictated to by an uncaring society that will talk shite behind yer back the first chance it gets and only loves you when yer spending.
Fuck the whales their extinction is called evolution and God, 2007 years is a long time to be an apathetic voyeur, what have you done for us lately ?

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And Jesus Said, "What About Ye?"

A poll of more than 1,000 people found that the people in the Republic of Ireland have more religious knowledge than those in Northern Ireland. only 31% could recite the First Commandment.

That's the one that says "You shall have no other gods before Me" I told the Big G at the time that this one sounded a little insecure, what does a big bad deity like you have to fear from those other silly gods? I told him to just say "NO!" so that can be interpreted as anything but oh no that cunt never listens to anyone, he asked me "do you not have to be stupid somewhere else?" I answered, "not until 4 O'clock."

Knowledge doesn't play a big part in the religion of Northern Ireland, sure they had this whole terrorism thing for nearly 4 decades over the true Protestant way and the evil Catholic way but really they knew fuck all about religion. Like the Islamofascists they make it up as they go along and use it as an excuse.

Here is what the Protestant majority of Northern Ireland know about religion.

If you go to a big stone church once a week you will get into Heaven.

Looking respectable at church means yer a good person.

Catholics are evil because ................. they work for the Pope and are all IRA terrorists, yep that sounds right.

Those who do not believe what you believe in are wrong and so therefore inferior and doomed.

You only believe what yer vicar tells you assuming you can stay awake and remember the sermon.

Its not my job to know the 12 commandments .

Jesus was a white blue eyed man and the first Protestant.

The Pope is in league with the Devil and probably an ex Nazi.

The naked body is sinful and drink is the Devil's vomit but as long as its you its ok to enjoy both.

If in doubt shout "NO POPE HERE" and refuse to listen.

I'm a torn man, Ian Paisley and George Clooney are both up for the Tipperary Peace Award. I don't mind being snubbed yet again (fucking bog trotters) but how can I chose between these two gods of goodness?