The wedding of Urma Cuntbox to Arnold Meaner, well they thought they were married.On a toilet in a mansion in Memphis in 1977 the bottom fell out of my world . I had been an Elvis impersonator one of the top ones in killamory in fact hoping to retire before I got old. I had gone through my hip wiggling phase, my sweaty phase, my fat phase and my fat sweaty gospel phase but the old voice box wasn't holding up too well and rather than cut back to 60 ciggies a day I gave up singing.
I took to Officiating at weddings as Elvis and in my time I had married over 2000 couples but the Elvis thing was over and every nutjob was doing it and making it look ridiculous .
I took to Officiating at weddings as Elvis and in my time I had married over 2000 couples but the Elvis thing was over and every nutjob was doing it and making it look ridiculous .
Old Knudsen had to adapt and reinvent himself so I looked around to see what else was big, besides I wasn't actually qualified to marry people.
Who do the kids love ? I asked myself and so I became a Michael Jackson impersonator and opened up a daycare. One day people stopped bringing their kids over and the police came round and asked all sorts of questions, I think the Catholic Church next door was freaking them out .
After that the only real money I made was when I sold David Kildorf's Apple operating system to Bill Gates for 50,000 dollars.
Mr Gates is amazing all he started out with was a newspaper round the clothes on his back and a small paper bag, of course he did have 100 million dollars in the paper bag.
If you mix the DNA of Stephen Hawking who is well known for talking funny. 
And the DNA of Montgomery Burns.
You get Bill Gates. Can you see it?
I dabbled for a bit with plastic surgery but due to something called 'infection' I was forced to move and change my name.
I got into the oil business as all of those cunts are rich.I went to Kuwait in 1990 and showed them this thing called horizontal drilling, we don't need no stinking borders. The Iraqis took exception and well I don't want to talk about it because that led to my 4th mental breakdoon .
I became a wandering breakdancing crime fighter in Slovenia and then I hooked up with a religious group called Heaven's Gate, they weren't for me to be honest I mean I thought I was nuts.
I did manage to part some of them from their hard earned cash by selling them track suits and trainers.
For those mongs who can't find Killamory on a map its that way, does it hurt you being so stupid?I have since got my sanity back and am looking into selling real estate in Killamory, Donald Trump has expressed an interest as he wants to build a big golf course for rich homosexual types as thats who play golf.
I shall also be selling signed photos of me arse and as that cunt Manuel is selling badges because you know about those waiters and their bits of flare I shall be selling t-shirts as modelled by my good friend Alan who is from Belfast.
Alan has been missing for the pass 2 weeks and his family are very worried. Actually I sold him to a pair of doctors over in Edinburgh but don't tell.
