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Abraham Lincoln was born 1809 (6:09 pm) in a log cabin near the town of Buttfuck Kentucky. Like other boys he often got into trouble. One time he chopped doon a cherry tree with his big chopper just for kicks. His parents were mightiful angry as that was their main source of food. "I cannot tell a lie" said young Abe in a shrill high pitched voice (unlike the ones actors give him these days) "It was Toby Old man Knudsen's slave."
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Lincoln felt bad at the lie and the loss of the slave and so decided from then on to be honest Abe .
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Being a Republican he believed he had a mandate but his wife never found out and he finally got some head.
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Its true that a Scotchman holds a grudge until revenge is exacted or he dies. Old Knudsen had the alibi of taking a group of orphans to Horse camp at the time of the murder and even though young athletic Toby was a great slave he says he did not to harbour any ill will towards that cunt of a president .
Old Knudsen became spiritual advisor to the next president Andrew Johnson, it was Knudsen's advice that made Johnson buy Alaska, actually that was a wee joke, how the fuck could anyone know there was gold and oil in that ice box?
In 1875 Johnson died of a stroke, it was his 18th stroke in a row, Old Knudsen said "doing that at yer age will kill ya you damned dirty American" but Johnson didn't listen all he did was look up with a smile and said "Im coming" then he died obviously having seen the angels of Heaven.
The facts are cloudy but this is how Old Knudsen remembers it. I left out the car chase to give the post some pace oh and I hate orphans....... needy wee fuckers.
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