Penis Sliced Off By Mechanical Rice Picker

A Sinn Fein office in Londonderry was petrol bombed causing minor smoke damage. Police have appealed for anyone who saw suspicious activity in the area to contact them. Wise up its Londonderry I'd be surprised if you could go a day without seeing any suspicious activity.

Yes this is a usual story for Northern Ireland yawn yawn petrol bombs so why am I mentioning it? well glad you asked. Its said that the attack happened around midnight.................... fucking amateurs, everyone knows you petrol bomb around 3am what has the country come to since its so-called peace and power sharing? The young-uns are not going to have a clue about terrorist activities and its just gonna be sloppy crime in which no one gets hurt.

I shall light some candles kill a white cock and invoke the spirit of Paisley to set up paramilitary job training schemes for youngsters from both sides of the community to foster peace or something like it.

Northern Ireland Arseholes.

The DUP which is the democratic unionist party of Northern Ireland has decided it will oppose gay adoption.
Do I care if gheys adopt? well it seems I do as when you ban one people you are soon apt to ban another.
Ghey marriage was approved so lets have the adoption too. I see no reason for it not to happen.

The DUP may say "We do not believe it is right that a child should be placed into a gay relationship."
Then again how many fags does Ian Paisley and JR know.?

Oh Yeah Uh Huh Lick It Good.

Gerry Adams on the campaign trail in Northern Ireland enjoying a Tootie Fruity ice cream. I don't know whose vote hes trying to get here but I hear hes ahead. Good on you Gerry give that Ian Paisley fella a good licking and cum out smiling.

We're All Gonna Die!

Not wishing to scare anyone but we are soooooo going to die.

Well I wished for it and here it is an Asteroid is going to strike the Earth on 13th April.
Our one best hope is the UN, so people we are royally fucked, we're all going to die.
Its actually has a 1 in 45,000 of a chance of hitting us and depending on the angle and speed may just take out one of the Earth's capitol cities or a region, as we know from the movies its always a city with well known landmarks, and as we also know the debris will block the sun and boy does Global warming sound good during a Ice fucking age.
The nerds er I mean scientists have named the Asteroid Apophis after the Egyptian God who really kicked ass in Stargate, they were going to name it Buffy because she kicks high but then the show got canceled.

So anyway back to the death and destruction, mankind came along, fucked the planet all up, totally enabled by weemankind so I'm not to sorry to see us go, its not the end of the world just the human parasites that invest it, nature always has a plan.


Rusty Schweickart who spends alot of time wandering around and watching the skies, he always carries big rocks incase he has to twat any aliens that want to probe him, "they never use lube" he says shaking his head, " I don't care what planet you cum from, there is always time for lube, its interglactic manners".

Former US astronaut Rusty Schweickart which sounds really painful says we should upgrade our Asteroid monitoring systems as there are probably thousands out there waiting to kill us, yeah hes a proper ray of sunshine, this guy was an astronaut in 1969, that was the year Monty python aired its first episode on the BBC, John lennon went solo the My Lai massacre in Vietnam, Ted Kennedy killed campaign worker Mary Jo Kopechne and the
Reverend Ian Paisley, Protestant leader in Northern Ireland, is jailed for 3 months for illegal assembly and refused to take it up the ass in the showers, "NO! I'm a giver not a taker" he proclaimed, it makes me proud to be bitter.

So what the fuck does rusty dick know? he has some half arsed idea involving a space ship that fires out gravity to deflect asteroids, I'm sure a 460 foot long rock would be so easy to deflect, Rusty also says "live long and prosper" a lot too.

This is not a Rusty Schweickart its a syphilitic ulcer and the least of yer worries, see what happens when you wear Calvin Kleins? I took this picture while I was doing my rounds at the local hospital Mr Johnson didn't mind.

This plan would only cost 300 million, so hes not so nuts after all, the 13th of April is not too far away so tell yer boss to fuck off and shag the hoor next door who gives a fuck what you catch, oh and did I mention it was in 2036 so mark it on yer calendars.