Must See To Believe

You know Old Knudsen, he doesn't like to post videos but this one is just so hot/disgusting he had to post it. Watch out for the midget with the scissors.

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I Had A Post But Then I Posted This Shite Instead

Dumb but purdy and with those big fake pregnant breasts now.

Halle Berry had her sprog and named her Nahla Ariel Aubry. Nahla is Arabic word for 'drink of water' 'Ariel' comes from Hebrew and means 'lion for God' ok people we know that most celebs aren't that bright and barely finish school but there should be a law against stupid names like this, here are some others.

Indiana, London, Kenya ,Lyric, Atticus, Ireland, Kal-El, Sailor, Aquinnah, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Moxie Crimefighter, Shiloh Nouvel, Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf, Daisy Boo, True Isabella Summer, Princess Tiaamii and don't forget Apple and Suri.

Famous people do a lot of drugs don't they?

The writer Terry Pratchett who has discovered he has Alzheimer's said: 'I would rather die of cancer than have my living self stripped away a bit at a time.'

What a whiney fuck fuck, I wish I had his problems, he says about how he takes a minute to find the letter 'A' on his keyboard or forgets how to spell the word 'else' welcome to my world dickhead the only difference being is that yer a rich cunt so gurn up.

JK Rowling has given hundreds of thousands to Alzheimer's research and she doesn't have it but tight wad Pratchett gets it and pledges a measly million towards Alzheimer's .............. if he remembers.

Wake up and smell yer ego baldy do some good with yer money before you go and don't forget to put me into yer will.

Not forgetting yer not dead yet and yer still rich, Alzheimer's people have a life span of about 10 years and yer 60 now, do ya want to live forever of something?

WHY WON'T IGGY FUCKING POP WEAR A FUCKING SHIRT?

Speaking of which, isn't it great when they die in threes so you don't have to argue who the second or third is?

Welcome to pedo island me hearties, pull my fish finger.

Director of crap chick flicks Anthony Minghella, Sci-fi writer and egg-head Sir Arthur C Clarke and John Hewer aka Captain Birds Eye (A British icon) are deader than my blogs on a Saturday.

Alien verses predator

Heather Mills will get a £24.3 million divorce settlement from Paul McCartney, poor Macca first Michael Jackson buys up a ton of Beatles songs as an investment and now stumpy has taken two weeks wages out of yer pocket its enough to make you want to club a seal cub to death isn't it Macca ? well at least you don't have Alzheimer's .

Hillary is going out of her way to prove she isn't a leezer, looks a bit forced to me.

No way does she look like a leezer. Can you see her being president and making the right choices when she thought those trousers , sandals and marrying Bill were the right choices?

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I Do It My Way

You should all know by now that I'm a Time Lord. I can travel through time, space and open fields at the speed of very fast. You should all know from watching TV , films and reading books that you can't change time or you fuck it up in some horrible way and the Time Lords will send the mud monsters after you if you do, also that its a good plot device. Well if I could go back and give myself a message, advice or warning what would it be?

When Ugga brings me his wheel design and offers to bring me in as a partner don't laugh in his face, say "yes."

Pull out before I cum when having sex with Nessie the Neanderthal to avoid creating the Greeks.

Do not invest heavily in Bronze just as the Iron age hits.

Don't holiday in Pompei in 79 AD

Don't give Columbus yer best guess on which way to go because just look how that turned out.

When fellow Scot Alexander Graham Bell tells me about the telephone at a dinner party, don't laugh and mock him saying "will there be wireless phones that can take pictures too?" Invest!

Don't marvel at the Titanic's speed heading towards an iceberg and wonder if the look out has seen it, shout something. That was a swim and a half I can tell you.

Take credit for fighting Hitler to the death and tell the world he was a Gorbesh Demon who go up in flames when you kill them, the world has to know.

Send Britney an e-mail reminding her to wear a pair of gunties when getting out of cars, that was nasty.

Never trust a Lemur.

Wear condoms when I shag Salma Hayek and Halle Berry and don't let Tom Cruise talk me into giving him a sperm sample that has to be pulled off by him in a quiet room, I'm not Suri what he used it for.

When I set up my first Blog give it a deep thoughtful title that won't turn prudes away and don't fucking swear so much or you won't get the right fucking audience, instead you'll get sex made cunts who want midget sex and cock, no wait that's me.

*What message, warning or advice would you give to yerself?*

*Fully expects this question to be abused like Gary Coleman at a pedo convention.*

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All Yer Wants And Desires

If not then yer just a picky cunt

I was going to put up a post about the importance of fossil fuels and the only problem I have is that when you go to fill up yer coal bucket you end up with black snotters but then I remembered the whining, "too many words, where are the hotties?" or "post naked men pictures" so here it is, the ultimate post for all of you cunts that only want dirty pictures cos words hurt yer brains, maybe you lot should start blogs so you can post said pics, just an idea. I think I have covered all of my 3 reader's tastes if not and if you have any complains at the end of this I shall give up blogging, enjoy.

Don't call old Duncan here a pervert, hes just doing what you wish you had the guts to do, the man is sexually free.

Where would the world be without midget sex?

I never buy off vendors in the street, those fuckers never wash their hands. Do you think this lad's name is calvin? his ma must of wrote that on so he wouldn't lose them.

Here have some violence against Andre Agassi the tennis twat.

This is for all you insertionists out there. I remember when milk was delivered to yer door in bottles not up yer arse from a carton.

Something to get you Knudsenites out there warmed up.

For you multi-taskers, she has my admiration.

Amputee sex, did I mention that I only have one leg? once you have a one legged man you never go back.

For you Japophiles, they really do all look the same to me. Two nukes didn't do her any harm so gurn up.

A bit of Fenian cocksucking for MJ, you can imagine the old fella about to say, "remember that chap who used to run the bookies? what was that mans name? John? Jack? something 'J' anyway he was married to etc etc etc." until she says, "Da shut the fuck up." I told you they were Fenians.

For those a little unsure of themselves.

Cheerleaders, Hollywood has taught me to admire cheerleaders. "Goooooooooooooooooooo Hot-pants!"

Yer grandad before the stroke. He likes a nice stroke.

Those black fellas just want to spank our white weemen and then shove their huge cocks into them, its disgusting I tell you.

For you animal lovers, I won't say what sicko sent me this but it was one of you.

Spiderman Spiderman does whatever a spider can except spin webs as only females spin webs.

Don't worry folks its only CIA interrogation, its not torture because that would be wrong.

For those who like to pack a lunch, the egg and onion sandwiches went in a treat.

Ah fake hard Hollywood bodies, this is what we should all try to look like or so I'm told.

This looks more creepy than sexy, whats with the gloves and the mirror? does she understand mirrors?

Another picture for the ladies, Right said Fred on their cum back tour.

For the Fag-hags who like small packages.

For the minute men, they are in yer country doing the jobs twice as fast for half the money that you are too fat and lazy to do so whats yer problem? Put yerselves in their shoes.

Does this inflated crotch make me look ghey?

For those who like Gladiator films etc, "This is Sparta!"

Just Who Am I ?

Me in my Vanilla sky mask, just because I cum in yer mouth doesn't mean I love you, in fact I might not even like you.

Years back I lost something very important, I lost my identity. It was a Sunday night and I had gone to bed after taking my usual almost lethal doze of alcohol and pain killers and I was dead to the world.

My then wife Rose was out on a date so I had the hoose to myself which is sometimes necessary to maintain a good marriage as we all need our space .

I had a terrible dream that I was being ripped apart by vultures then there were two disabled midgets having sex nearby , It was all very odd.
I woke up with my usual huge morning erection, I was going to see if Rose was a wake but she was busy in the bed beside me with her boyfriend so I watched.

Remember the mini series "V" ? I don't care if Diana was an alien she could swallow my hamster any day.

He was humping away and she was about to cum as she was making those monkey lips she does then all of a sudden the boyfriend turns his head to look at me and it was me.

I screamed, Rose screamed and me, er the other me told me to get out or he'd call the police.

I tried to convince Rose that I was her husband but she was fixated on the impostors giant manhood that put my huge wab to shame.

I glanced in the mirror and to my horror my face had been peeled off in the night, I grabbed some clothes, the impostor was phoning the police while wearing me cap so I legged it.

My eyes were weeping non-stop due to lack of eyelids young children screamed as they saw me and burst into tears now I knew how it felt to be a priest.

I stopped into the local nerd shop and bought a Micheal Meyers mask, I believe that's the cunt that does the Austin Powers films, if hes going to do an Ogre with a Scottish accent he had better throw in the odd F-word to make it a bit more realistic, "Go fuck ya self donkeey or I'll kick yer shite in."

Walking around with my mask on I felt like Tom Cruise in Vanilla sky but a bit taller.

I walked into the police station and told the desk officer that I was Old Knudsen and my identity had been stolen.

Those dopey fuckers didn't believe me as not only did I not look like him I wasn't wearing a cap, yep they had me there alright.

I went into the branch of my local bank which was the Trustee Savings Bank or the TSB, they had a catchphrase that went "The bank that likes to say yes!" so I'd phone them up and ask them for sexual favours but they never did say yes ever. Its funny, when I go into shops or banks the staff disappear and I always get served by the manager as I must be an important client but this time I got Rita with the tight fuzzy jumper on.

I told her my story and to look for any strange activity on my account, the fucker had ran up a £500 sex toy bill and a £100 in porno mags so that didn't look very suspicious to Rita at all then she saw it.

The creep had bought a pair of £120 Ugg boots, identity thieves can't resist the Ugg boots, no taste what so ever, she called the manager over who then questioned me about what threats I had made to him over the past 8 years and how many times had I tried to rob the place.

He then called the police who took me a bit more seriously and they matched my DNA and finger prints against the sex offenders data base, a complete misunderstanding as to why to this day I'm still in the data base as I swear she said she was 16.

We raced round to my hoose and kicked in the door, it wasn't locked but its police procedure.

The impostor was sitting in my chair drinking my beer and watching the match as Rose served him scones while she wore just a pair of crotch less edible panties (you really don't want to eat them after Rose has worn them) two officers grabbed the impostor and stood him before me, I said "now lets see who you really are" I grabbed my face and pulled it off to reveal none other than Billy one ear, no wait a minute I grabbed his face again and pulled, it was Hannibal Hector from the bookies, no wait I grabbed it again and Hannibal screamed like he was in labour (he actually voted Tory) "sorry Hanny" I said, they clapped the handcuffs on him and he said, "I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you pesky old men."

I wasn't sure if Rose was in on it as she went missing soon after, there have been reports of her getting sold in Morocco but I don't want any publicity about it as I just want to get on with my life, the life I had to fight to reclaim.

Smiley Happy Mungos Having Sex.

C'mon Bob fix it baby build it baby. Is this the worse sexual role playing ever or what?


Old Knudsen is a nice fella no matter what anyone else says, sure I have a jest or two at the expense of others and will stop when they start to cry, well usually. A while back I had a post called "Hot Midget sex" and it was about Tom and Katie getting married, I just wanted to waste the pervert's time. So I was going through my shite meter and what do you know I found people still looking for midgets having sex. I felt a pang of guilt as what if it was me looking for "hot interracial anal action" as I am prone to do and found a post about Tom and Katie, well that would be my mood all gone looking at their smug white teeth and dead eyes so here is a happy wee midget named Mungo having sex.

What technique the funky looking wee fucker has, "look mummy gurl parts, make go pee pee."

Are you all happy now my perverts of the night? Mungo has to go back to his cage and eat his doggy styled treat.

I Am The Burger King, I Can Do Anything.

The above picture was from a photo shoot I did as promotion for being the knew lead singer for a wee pop group called The Doors. The old lead singer faked his death in the 70's and moved to Canada.
We called this shoot 'The old lion' , I know you can't tell but as well as being high as a kite as us pop stars are I had to have my scrot tucked and stapled to my thighs as it hangs doon a bit too much, the shit I was on was good and I didn't feel a thing until a week later when it went septic. The 4 weeks that I rehearsed with the band were terrible, this guy Ray Manzarek thought he was incharge even though 'I' was the 'lead' singer he blocked all my ideas and requests. For a start I couldn't stop giggling through 'Back door man' and then I wanted to change 'People are strange' to 'People are fuckers' and to be a little more up to date instead of 'Hello I love you', I wanted to sing,' Wassssup, I think its love, baby', the kids would dig it. I wanted 'LA woman' to be 'Arbroath weemen' and to cut all that musical shite out of 'Light my fire'.
Things didn't really work, professional differences and the fact that though I look good I can't really sing, I mean worse than the last guy and that's something. Their loss, I mean where are they now?

So anyway I was just sitting here at the computer on a dull grey drepressing day hoping for some inspiration to strike. I was either going to write about my night of wild animal lust with Princess Anne in which I turned my athlete's foot into an STD or how I was fired from the Roundheads by old warty Oliver Cromwell himself because I refused to part with me foreskin, so my penis Kenny kept his flamboyant head covering and I joined the Cavaliers, not the best of career moves looking back on it.

I wasn't in the mood for either and I sensed my readers wanted not stories of my past glories but half naked weemen and midgets being fisted. I was like a sail without wind.
The clouds outside parted and the sun came like a God into my room , the vitamin D must of reacted with the painkillers I'm addicted to because I was suddenly in a good mood, for fuck sake, this feels odd I thought, I wanted to hug somebody, a gurl with huge knockers would of been nice. I then knew what to post about, I got the idea given to me like ' manners from Heaven ' as I basked in God's golden shower.
This is a positive post on why I like Blogs and Blogging.

I like the fact that Old Knudsen has saturated the Google search monster with his meaningless poison and when a pervert looks for 'Hot midget sex' they get a post on Tom and Katie. Old Knudsen one - other perverts nil.

My opinion is the only one that really makes sense or counts so I'm glad that its there sort of published for mankind so that *1000 people a day* can read my wisdom.

It makes me feel all warm in a nice dry way when people tell me about the crap day they were having until they read my ever so humorous post.

I'm glad the fan e-mails and the titty pictures out number the hate mail and death threats I get sent(my Ma sends titty pictures and death threats)

I am an artist and I know my work has been a success when I invoke emotion and passion in others enough to get an anonymous hateful comment.

Blogging is easier and faster than the shite I showed that I make on Old Fake Man Balls and posts are easier to destroy in a fit of artistic rage.

I meet people that I wouldn't want to meet in real life as they are quite creepy and I can just stop talking to them and start wanking to some porn. That's frowned upon in the real world out on the street or in my son's living room last week.

To be honest with the exception of **one person** that keeps commenting and being a cunt I love my readers.

I love that I can put up whatever I want and honour whoever I want depending on my whims and who dies.

Did ya hear that pop? I felt it go off in me neck, I think that's the end to my good mood and possibly a stroke, no I don't mean another wank, ok fuck the postive post, heres what I hate.

YouTubes, pretentious twats, black blogs, my sidebar slipping, Blogger fucking up after all this beta shit, wordpress, haloscan, humourless passionless people with Blogs, being thanked for a comment on another Blog, people being nice in the comments to be polite I clean my own ring and people nervous to comment incase I look at yer blog, what the fuck? you know I'm the best but I'll be polite, my greatness has its responsibilities.


*A guess a mated figure based on the invisible Blogliners and my ego*


**You're so vain, you probably think this comment is about you don't you don't you?**