Its nearly Halloween again, thankfully the annoying American virus of Trick or Treat
is only reenacted in the nice neighbourhoods, yes lets teach our kids about the sense of entitlement nice and early so they can be suitably outraged when they see what the world is really like and how useless they are when the Levies break.
In Britain the kids go to the least amount of trouble possible but not for sweets, how childish is that? they do it for money so they can buy smokes.
With one kid wearing a cheap false face on and the rest with hoods pulled up over their faces they knock on doors, if you are silly enough to open it you'll hear a monotone chant like this, "halloween is coming the Goose is getting fat (about this time I slam the door shut annoyed about having been bothered) please put a penny in the old man's hat (there is never a hat) if you haven't got a penny a half penny will do if you haven't got a half penny God bless you".
If you give them a penny they may put your windows in as they expect a bit more, half penny pronouced 'hapenny' hasn't been in circulation for years, but the kids do try it on as there may be some dopey cunt too polite to slam the door on scumy street kids on the scrounge.
I read on the Interweb about some Christian that doesn't celebrate Halloween because its a Pagan celebration but he does turn the other cheek in order to take his little son out trick or treating, its free sweets fuck your beliefs this is serious, now he makes his kid say this little rhyme ------- at Halloween.
"Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, Jesus made a promise he is coming back".
For the hypocrisy alone I just want to kick the two of them in the balls, it would be a valuable lesson to the boy, "your father is a moron and you'll end up the same if you listen to him", I had a mate that said he was coming over the last week and didn't bother his arse, I'm not going to wait 2000 years for the fucker, I'm not that dumb, yeah and he never called either, what does that tell you about him? my friend not Jesus, I'm sure Jesus is on his way, stuck in traffic no signal on his cell, yeah that's it.
Toffee apples, nuts and the same old slasher films on the TV that's British Halloween, my grandson Gavin is seeing this Wiccan gurl called Julie er sorry Saffirebluemoon, on a witches sabbath her coven goes up to Scat hill and have a big fire where they chant and then throw candles into the fire, well they did at the one I saw in August, nothing like the Wickerman, everyone was clothed, just as well really, ugly weemen and old blokes, I've never seen so many oldmen with ponytails in my life.
Then the 5th November comes round too, I might as well mention it as the same little shites from Halloween come round with their hoods up and say, "penny for the guy" for those foreigners 5th November is Bonfire night or Guy Fawkes night , in 1605 Guy Fawkes and his catholic friends tried to blow up the houses of Parliment when King James 6th of Scotland (aka James 1st of England) was inside, so now they still burn effigies of Fawkes to celebrate, fireworks too, a lot of the commonwealth used to celebrate it but due to firework regulations and the anticatholic theme its fading, the Australians called it 'Cracker night' that was because of the fireworks, not the drunken white people.
Sometimes the kids going around the doors will get the smallest of their team and put him into a babystroller or a shopping trolley and pretend hes the guy, British children though vastly annoying and trouble making wee gits are quite enterprising , here is a chant rarely used and mostly been forgotten, I wonder if you can tell why its never used much now.
Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
The full rhyme, rarely used, continues:
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,'twas his intent
to blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow:
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!
A penny loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o' cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down.
A faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar.
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head.
Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!
Well I like it, nice and bitter, the way I take my weemen.
