It was a time of great hardship for the human race, so much destruction and death and hold on a minute, shit I'm blogging from the future, aw fuck well just ignore that bit about destruction etc etc its tough being a Timelord sometimes. I really only use it to either re-eat a really nice fish supper or to go back or forward in time to have sex with meself any other use would be abusing my powerful position and that would be wrong.
So anyway long after the time that the Apes ruled the Earth I was a Colonel aboard the Battlestar Erotica, we were at war with these robots from Ceylon called Cylons who thought they were superior to humans even though we made them and wanted to dominate us, yes as you have probably already guessed they were made by Microsoft, their breaking doon all the time was the only thing that kept us ahead in the war.
Frak off you motherfrakkers why the frak you always frakking with me?
I was on the bridge of the Erotica dropping food over the side for the 'Space carp' when Lt Johnson shouted "incoming bogies on the space radar Colonel" annoyed that my quiet fish feeding time was interrupted I growled back " wipe them off ya dirty frakker" he did so using his cuff "4 Cylon raiders inbound 6 o'clock" I looked at my watch, thank fuck my shift ended at 5.
"Frakkin toasters" I yelled "why can't they just lightly brown my bread?"
"Get captain Apollo Creed and Lt Maxwell Hoose into their Vipers and tell them to blast those frakking Cylons into frakkin pieces" I demanded as I tried to scrape the dark bits off my frakkin toast but it never tastes the frakkin same afterwards.
Commander Adonis strolled onto the frakkin bridge, "whats the frakkin situation Colonel ?" his face betraying no emotion at all.
"Well sur I have this frakkin itch which I think I got from interrogating the Cylon prisoner that looks like a hot woman, the only thing she would say was 'Oh my god' over and over as I interrogated her then on Big Brother that hoor Kathy went doon on that recycling droid Wall-e that bug eyed little cunt blew a frakkin fuse, pathetic pig disease has wiped out most of the porkers and they think it is starting to effect humans as we are so closely related due to all the transplants, Gids has killed 5000 people already the Christian fundies have named it the 'ginger plague' but I don't care as I'm not a filthy immoral ginger ."
The commander listen patiently then he pulled out his service space pistol and blew his brains out.
"Hey it wasn't me" I exclaimed as everyone looked on in shock, "well there you have it 5 o'clock already I'll be frakkin off now."
The commander listen patiently then he pulled out his service space pistol and blew his brains out.
"Hey it wasn't me" I exclaimed as everyone looked on in shock, "well there you have it 5 o'clock already I'll be frakkin off now."
