So fuck if I haven't been posting as much as usual, I have a life you know. So anyway I was sitting watching Yo Gabba Gabba, Dj Lance Rock (who is not a flaming homo) was grooving to a song about washing yer hands, a revolutionary idea if you ask me, they did the same brain washing techniques in China during the Great leap forward.
Then the phone rang, for fucks sake I didn't know I had one of those things. I tucked me cock back in and found the phone under a pile of dirty gunties. there was a label on it saying 'Spy phone' well that explains the broken door lock and the missing jar of change.I answered it to find it was Sir Jock Stirrup the chief of defense for the UK. We've had our ups and doons but respect is there - ish.
"Knudsen" he said "We are keeping our MI6 operatives on the payroll even after the age of 65 when we would usually retire them. I know you retired in the early 1900's due to that whole silly Russian affair but we need you back, we need your expertise and dashing good looks."
Just as long as he didn't think I could be fooled by flattery .
"Your strong forearms that glisten with manly sweat as you defeat your opponents in hand to hand combat as you protect the people of the world need to be brought back into action as no body does it better and it makes me feel sad for the rest."
He had me at manly sweat.
"We have a 'special' relationship with America, as you know special means we trust them as far as we can throw them so we need you to spy no rather observe them. Tell us of any troop build ups, the latest fashions and any updates you have on American Idol and Lost."
I drew the line at American Idol I mean I'm no ghey.
"Our PM Gordon Brown (texture like sun) gave the Obamas a pen holder carved out of a 100 year-old anti-slaving ship, very tasteful. What did the Obamas give him? A selection of DVD's which included Psycho. Our top experts are trying to decide if this is an insult or not as Americans don't really think too much on the deeper abstract levels."
If it was the Psycho remake with Vince Vaughn I'd be phoning in the nuke co-ordinates right away.
We ended our conversation with pay details and was his wife ok about the misunderstanding we had in the jacuzzi in 1986. I swear it was a Snickers bar floating on the water, it had peanuts in it.
Then I got back to Yo Gabba Gabba and missed a cool song about Robot monster sex and how you should always use a keyboard protector.
I'm no recruiting touts (tell tales, rats, snitches, informers) but there is money to be made (literally in my garage) for those with any information on Lost and or naked pictures of yerselves.Remember George Washington was a traitor until he won a couple of times with the help of the French.
Then he was charged with fraud and it all went doon hill.Speaking of which. Educated people investing with Donald Trump giving him hundreds of thousands in deposits to build hotels only to have the job go sour and the deposits non-refundable.
These people trusted in Trump's money making reputation. WTF? just google the fucker, do they know how many times hes gone bankrupt ? the ugly bad haired cunt does reality shows, do you really thing if he had enough money he'd bother to do those?
Yet another example of Yanks believing what they see and hear on the telly and ignoring the truth and history of the situation, yes Ted Kennedy, Ghandi , Andrew Jackson, General Custer etc etc you have them all fooled.
It looks like the woman across from me is going out, I'd better log this into my note book once I go up to Wal-Mart and steal one.
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