Monday, January 22, 2007

A Menace More Dangerous Than Pandas.

That will teach the fucker.

You can call it a Pizzly, Grolar, Grizzlar or Polar Grizz, the mating of a Polar bear and a grizzly bear. The interbreeding of these two animals has only been found in captivity but last April Jim Martell a hunter from Idaho saw a Pizzly on Banks Island in Northern Canada so he shot it. " I love animals, that's why I love to kill them", nature lover Martell went on to say," some day there won't be any wildlife so I'm getting out and enjoying shooting it now before it all becomes extinct".

At a distance the Pizzly looked like a dirty polar bear but close up he could see it had rings around its eyes and a humped back, "I suffer from erectile dysfunction but when I kill animals I'm pointing twice at them". Martell has been hunting since the age of 8 and has dozens of trophies (not real trophies stuffed animals) including not one but two 10 feet tall brown bears from Russia. A bitch to get through customs,"anything to declare?" "yes I have Gazelle in my carry on and a pocket Beaver".
He also has two Ibex from Kyrgyzstan and crotch rot from Thailand .
To celebrate one less, er I mean the only Pizzly in the wild gone he plans to have a beer party (gurls aren't invited, there will be rough hoosing) "It is just a beautiful animal" said Martell who owns a telephone company out of Glenns Ferry and operates an Idaho Elk ranch, his 14 day trip to Canada cost $45,450 but the erection is worth it.


An older Museum specimen with a Bruce Willis smirk, its either them or us.

One shot at 300 yards and the dreaded beast was dead. I salute you sir for saving the Eskimos and Canadians from this potential man eating monster (the French Canadians can go fuck) I only wish there were more Americans like you with guns in the world, no wait there are..................... oh shit.
Strange enough Martell has a wife, she has no taste in decor, a low sex drive and watches soaps all day so she doesn't mind a hoose full of dead animals as long as she gets her bon bons and laudanum .
Martell said," If I hadn't shot the Pizzly then no one would have known about it", he thinks he actually helped the biologists by showing it 'could' breed in the wild, could as in past tense.
God forbid that man shouldn't know anything.

I'm not worried about the green hoose effect the world has been going on for millions of years without our help, if it wipes mankind out then that's nature's way and I don't blame it, mankind is pretty shitty. Even the extinction of animals by man is nature as we are nature, its a shame but then so is a Tsunami killing children.
The Pizzly is nature's way of reacting to the disappearing ice, the Polar bears come south and adapt, the less adaptable in nature dies or becomes a Blogger.