Death To Whatever

Old Knudsen is a friend to many. Race, religion, gender, politics, sexual orientation are things he hates so don't get him started.

Old Knudsen tends to find hot weemen with oiled buttocks and thong marks more interesting for some reason. Old Knudsen will be-friend dirty Arabs because Old Knudsen can see beyond what a person is in favour of what type of person they are.


Iranians are not Arabs they are Persians, that is like saying Japanese are not Chinese, ach c'mon don't urinate on me leg and tell me its raining, a blind man on a galloping horse with saber in hand won't notice the difference if indeed there was one.

In the 80's Old Knudsen became an Iranian cleric, he studied at a Madras and then at a Vindaloo near Waterloo. It was actually a cover because the Iranians were bad then and Saddam was a friend and the British Intelligence Agency Service (BIAS) noticed that Iran had the letters IRA in it and since the Irish Republican Army (IRA) and the Iranians both carried out attacks on mainland England then maybe there was a connection.

The only connection I could find was they were all pedos who would kill and bully anyone they could in the name of a type of pseudo religion they had created to suit themselves.


Old Knudsen had hoped they had forgotten the Battle of Thermopylae in 191 BC in which we kicked their Persian Arab arses, sure we may have died in body but we won in spirit. Old Knudsen doesn't mind dying in glorious battle sometimes, don't knock it until you try it.


Did you know the presidential elections in Iran were fixed? yeah a real shock huh? I feel so let doon by Mahmoud Ahmadickejad. He assured me that 110% voting turn out was normal and if 10,000 people live in a region of course you can have 30,000 votes if you apply algebrak mathematics as invented by the Persians 300 years ago.

I went and threw some half bricks in protest to show them how it was done and I got nabbed.

Old Knudsen is looking for prison visitors with *files* up their holes, tell me ma get me out of here but after the shower.


*As in the ones you saw through metal with, no showing off what you can put up there MJ*

MA Won!

Old Bitter Balls favourite Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won the presidential vote by a landslide. A small minority of cunts who supported the hippy opposition Mir Hossein Mousavi didn't like this democratic result and took to the streets of Tehran to riot.

To try to restore order the government jammed text messages, blocked pro-Mousavi Web sites and Facebook and cut off mobile phones. Hippies just love their gadgets. If it were up to me I'd block a ton of blogs, all mobile phones and blueberry thingys and shut doon MyFace to put the hurt on the pedos.

Mousavi, declared himself the true winner of Friday's presidential race and the Kentucky Derby horse race of 2003 (which we all know was won by Funny Cide) and urged backers to resist a government based on "lies and dictatorship."

What the fuck is a government supposed to be based upon? What a bad loser, well done Mahmoud don't let the fucker get you doon.


Fucking almost ragheaded Persian cunts!

Just look at those stones .................. Fucking amateurs! How can you riot when that is the sort of thing you are throwing? Do they not have half bricks? oh thats right its the 3rd world. Forget about feeding the dirty aids ridden Africans how about wasting yer money on buying half bricks for savages?

The next CIA meeting I go to I'll bring up this idea to topple regimes with.

Old Knudsen Does It Again

I walked into a door.

Old Knudsen managed to leave his death bed to exert some political pressure in Iran. Even with death whispering Oink! in his ear he is still faster than a cockroach as smart as a coyote and with the strength of a medium sized cat he can still put doon at least 8 yanks which roughly translates as 14 French,10 Germans, 6 Fenians, 28 Arabs and 3 Brits.

I negotiated with Mahmoud using the old 'Why are you hitting yerself?' line of reasoning and many kitchen appliances. Yes Like Jason Bourne Old Knudsen fights like a woman ..... to win.



Roxanna Saberi the Iranian/US journalist has been freed from her Iranian jail cell.

She was arrested for allegedly buying wine and then the charge was her journalist license was out of date and then they finally decided on an espionage charge.

After an hour-long trial behind closed doors and she didn't even know that was the trial she was sentenced to eight years behind bars and the tiny wee thing protested with a hunger strike.

A former North Dakota beauty queen with a jap mum and a Persian oops sorry I can't get used to the new term, she has an Iranian father and a couple of degrees and a fiancee in Iran. No airhead and definitely a plucky wee thing.


Known in Iran as the walk of shame she had to walk to freedom with only a headscarf to cover her modesty as is their way. That nasty gash between her legs needs to be looked at. Right in the cunt too ...... ouch!

Kinda hot but Old Knudsen took up the cause for the Injustice and the fact that he hates bullies. Oh I haven't forgotten the 14 Brit servicemen and one ugly Brit servicewoman held hostage in 2007 and paraded on the telly, take Old Knudsen ya cunts and we'll see if you get a public apology.


I have my team picked out.

Lets not forget the nameless Iranian journalists, bloggers and gheys being held in the prisons still. A bit tougher to get them out unless I go in with a team. Mr Obama I ask again for 24 men and 8 hours and I'll have them out, get the nukes ready, make it 8 men and 24 hours, oh and could one of the men be a woman as they do make the best tea and its 24 hours when I say, "start" no that wasn't the start ............................... nor was that.


Now lets celebrate raghead style.

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Do Farts Smell Lovely In Heaven?

I was once a sergeant in the police force investigating the huge hippy populations on the remote Scottish Isles.
Hippies mean one thing, long hair and drugs .......... ok thats two things. I was tricked into walking into a huge wickerman when I was told there was free drink inside. All I found was death because those stoned hippies set it a light as a sacrifice to Harry Pothead the dark God of weed. These tossers were amateurs as I had already died and have been reanimated by a Voodoo zombie prince and still had 3 lives left. I didn't have the means to confine them and torture statements out of them so I fashioned a large wooden cross and bludgeoned them to death with the lard. "Kill them all and let God sort out the stoned."

Someday my time will be up and I shall sing with the Heavenly choir eternal but for now I'm sort of alive and kicking.

Who of those featured below do you think will die first? welcome to the very first and probably the last installment of Celebrity Death-race 3000.

Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January and given 5 weeks to live. The cunt is still ticking. His cancer has boosted his career and has given him a TV series called 'The Beast' which is about a large mutant vagina that goes from town to town eating people, what an ironic twist on muff diving. Swayze plays FBI agent Dan Bradwin and he and his animated space monkey partner follow the trail of *fanny* batter to find the killer.


Ted Kennedy famous for killing staff members and being the usual two faced Kennedy politician has a brain tumor. It has been said that the Devil himself will come up from Hell to collect this ones soul.



Some pubs or bars have betting pools on how long it will be before Barack Obama gets assassinated. Lets hope he fixes a few of Bush's fuck ups before he gets killed and immortalised as a saint.



Amy Winehouse has talent and whatever she is a tortured soul, with a face like that what can you expect? This chavette cannot last anymore longer, why would God do that? Why does God not keep good people like Paul Newman alive forever by giving them the wasted life force of people like Winehouse? I will be having words with that cunt of a deity when I go up to judge him on judgement day.


Bear Grylls eats rotting carcasses and squeezes the contents of a camel's stomach for water. He must have more parasites in his body than anyone ever. Its only a matter of time before the Sting-rays or the Lemurs get him. Drop him off in Killamory with an 'I love the Pope' T-shirt on and we'll see how long he survives.


Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the mouthpiece of Iran recently had a bout of man flu. Also one of his top yes men was found to have had a fake degree. Mahmoud laughed it off and said it was only a piece of paper. No Mahmoud it was a nit-picky excuse to get rid of one of yer people yer on yer way out lad. Yer last performance review was shite and the people are sick of you. You are the weakest link Goodbye.

Who will go first? or maybe some cunt jealous of not being included will go. Its like people you want to see naked you never see the ones you want. Those you want to die (I have a long list) will live to old age and you'll have a sagging pencil thin trollop saying, "Thats Hot!" thinking that she is sexy as she does now.



*Arse in America and vadge in the real world*


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Looking Back And A New Beginning

My first post of the new year, yep 2008. I'm going to make this an inspirational post full of hope, love and the promise of a better tomorrow today, assuming today is fine with you, if not can you pencil me in for later in the week? afternoon please as I don't do mornings.

It is written in the Bible (somewhere at the back) "And so'th the lamb shall lay doon in the mint sauce and the polar bear will share a Coca Cola with the wolf and peace shall reign doon for a thousand years."

The translation from Aramaic is a little dodgy and it might have been "And piss shall rain doon ."

If George and Mahmoud can be friends then why can't I be friends with all the horrible cunts that read me not to mention who spammed me for over two months this year. I shall visit yer blogs more often and pretend to like you all in the coming year............................................this may be a total lie.

This year has had its ups and doons, its ins and outs, its ramming and thrusting. I've done things that I'm not proud of.

Yer Ma being one of them but I did her just so I could do a post about it.

I recently won the Palitzer Prize for my news blog, I still haven't got my cunting prize money yet but I hear its the honour that counts.

It was sad when the Grinch went ape shit and shot up that town, that sad young Grinch had some serious Christmas issues.

While there are weemen like this one I have hope for the world and my wank bank. I do wish she would tuck in her underwear, is that sexy? yeah as sexy as those low rider jeans, got a bad looking arse then make it look worse.

Ah fuck it and fuck you, another year full of the same old shite, tits, arse and midget sex. Those who have wronged me last year I hope you die in a fire and those who will wrong me this year I hope you get mauled by a tiger on yer birthday.

Al Qaeda and Global warming are getting together for a super group and we are all fucked. Didn't I tell you about Bhutto? no Taliban or Al Qaeda cunt is taking responsibility for it, even the IRA are keeping quiet, how stupid do you have to be? The 140 who died by suicide bomber when Bhutto first turned up in Pakistan wasn't even investigated.

Musharraf did it. People say oh Bhutto would have let US troops come into Pakistan and that worried the Taliban, the fuck it would, as if the Ragheads are afraid of the US troops, that would of helped their cause. Musharraf had the most to lose as Bhutto had a chance of winning the election.

In 1979 the Queen's cousin Lord Mountbatten who was in charge of the Burma campaign or the forgotten war of world war II was blown up on his boat by the IRA while on holiday off the coast of Donegal. It turns out that Mountbatten was all for the unity of Ireland, have a huge helping of irony why don't ya.

Dr Who with Colin Baker and his assistant Peri as played by Nicola Bryant. Ah those were the days. She was English but put on a fake Yank accent to play an 18 year old student. Large breasts that bounced with grace as she ran from the aliens she even appeared in a bikini and you could see the odd nipple poke through her clothing now and then, yes I am still very much in love with her.

For some reason there has been a lot of UFO sightings over Wales, many by Airline pilots, two or three a week in fact. I see a connection that Dr Who is now being made by BBC Wales other than that all I can tell you to do is, "watch the skies."

Well um happy new year I suppose and don't let yer posts get away from you like I do, I make genius look easy but it isn't.

It is actually very easy now go to my news blog or I'll glass ya.

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I'm Special

An invite I got in my comments:

You are chosen to represent your country in the first international blog WUB (World United Bloggers)

The aim of this blog is to prove to the world that differences in language, religion,race and nationality do not make us hate each other and we can make this world better if we express our opinions with respect to others.

Wow I always knew I was one of the chosen, when yer Scottish you are blessed by the presence of god and often hear his voice (why does he keep telling me to kill the hoors?) I looked up WUB and it seems to be what it says it is, no idea why I was picked though as I believe that all dirty foreigners should be made to speak English and forced conversion to Presbyterianism the religion of love and reason should be worldwide.

I mean the world is 5000 years old if they don't have their act together by now they never will, anything east of the filthy Danube river is stone age and savage and should bow to the British empire.

To be honest I hate all people though I don't hate my readers and fellow bloggers as much as say Johnny wog fella with the RPG aimed at the US Humvee that's trying to liberate him so feel my harsh love now you plebs.

I do believe in free speech.................. to a point, Britain doesn't have free speech and I've never had a problem with that because you can say whatever you want as long as you aren't inciting violence, threatening with intent or telling little children to fuck off cos Santa died of a heart attack (that's the last time I'll work as Santa's helper over Christmas time) even America that constantly drones on about their freedoms aren't free, they are as free as the government lets them be (the way it is everywhere) when Bush appears somewhere and there are protests, the protesters are moved to a 'free speech area' fenced off and out of the way, if you've ever read the free speech rules you do see a lot of terms and conditions that the average Yank doesn't know about which is why they think they can say what they like.

When Mel Gibson was asked a sensible educated question about one of his films ,he didn't like the question so he told the woman to fuck off and they threw her out.

When Michael Richards was heckled by a loud mouthed coloured chappy who tried to spoil the audience enjoyment of the show Richards lost it and told him 50 years ago he'd hang him from a tree and stick a fork in his arse, Richards had to suck up to the black community as he did not have freedom of speech or the right to a racist opinion at that time.

When John Kerry was heckled by a student, the student was Tasered much to my delight as I don't like student much.

You have the right to freedom of speech, that may be taken away from you at anytime, you have the right to remain silent if others don't like what you say.

George Orwell said: "If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear."

Like much in America its all good in theory but doesn't live up to reality.

Ach in a civilised country like the UK we just throw eggs and yell a lot to get out point across, its a system that's worked well for centuries.

The person from Egypt who invited me to the WUB, lists on his profile that the Quran was his favourite book, maybe he didn't look doon my side bar where it says "Anyone here whose prophet had sex with a nine year old raise your Koran" well I don't think an invite to an idealistic hippy blog should really be made in the comments on a post with a picture of a guy with his finger up his nose, maybe that's normal for an Egyptian as is sleeping with a nine year old probably . Nice try Mahmoud I know yer behind it.

I pointed out on another blog that Muslims are viewed as the human versions of spiders at the minute by the west, different religions and nationalities all take a turn at it, they aren't anything special.

You see a spider, you go on alert, keep an eye on it or avoid it and maybe yer first instinct would be to squish it cos you just don't like the look of it . Then you get the odd person that doesn't mind spiders or at least says they don't and those who like them .

I am tolerant of others beliefs and races, yep I tolerate all the bastards until my government declares war and tells me I won't go to prison for killing them its war, alls fair then.

Mahmoud inviting me to do yer blogging for you won't work, next time you get an angle how about you read my blog first, my minds a maze and my rat is lost. Cha-Chow!

Suck on my tolerance .

The World Is Not Enough.

Once a man of dignity, a warrior poet with the heart of a lion and the balls of a baboon, who has served his cuntry (and a few others thanks to the CIA) well, who lost his leg to the Great white panda of the Pennine mountains now standing in his unmentionables like some common criminal, lucky they were clean on me last month.

First of all airport security is fucking shite, do I look like a crazy Islamer ? four hours they had me in there for asking me questions wondering why I was so keen to have my cavity searched they suspected I had a booby trap stuck up there while in reality I just enjoy it, lucky they didn't take my leg off, full of cocaine it is, my end of the world stash.

I went over to Columbia University in New York to protest the fact that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a cunt , my placard said "you are a cunt!" I've used it for many different people over the years. I couldn't get in to see him so I said a quick prayer for those caught up in the Columbia High School massacre of 1999 and kept an eye out for Colombian drug lords as I dipped into me stash of the Devil's dandruff over the Atlantic, flying makes me edgy as planes are way too heavy to be up in the sky like that.

A lot of people have said Mahmoud shouldn't have been invited to the university because of his opinions (no free speech for Johnny Sand Savage) but the Professors were right to do so because Mahmoud is a fucking nutcase and the more we can draw out of him the better we can second guess his moves, oh and demonize him and his country more . Friends close and enemies closer sort of thing . I give it within a year for the US goes to war with Iran.

They set up a big telly for us to watch Mahmoud on, the fucker can't even speak English why are we even paying attention to him? a savage with a PHD in Highways and Traffic, in other words a PHD in scratching yer arse, too lazy to learn the tongue that Jesus spoke, I didn't even stay for the second half.

I was off again to Rangoon to see my old muckers from the monastery. Years back I became a Buddhist monk in Burma as I thought it would get me the weemen.

I didn't look too good back then, I blame the diet of rice and pish we ate every day.

In my November 2006 post I had boycotted Burma and put General Than Shwe on notice, now with numerous e-mails I had finally got the monks pissed off enough to protest and we are getting somewhere. I was there marching with my brothers in the rain, I tried to get some of them to set themselves on fire but they weren't having any of it.

Well I'm jet lagged and on a bit of a dooner, its tough being an international trouble maker er I mean shooter.

In the first picture aren't you reminded of 'A street car named Desire?' "Stella!" "Stella!" "Where the fuck for art my dog?"

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Does The U.N.

No nose? how does it smell?

Ka-Chow! its the way he tells them.

"Yes Vlad Putin in there."

Vladimir Putin and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad get a little carried away as they talk about what they would do to the west given the chance.

Mahmoud has dreams about going to New York.


Oh no its the crack Iranian army, these guys are so tough they don't mind the camp wigs and the flags in their rifles that say "bang."

Mahmoud the little tease goes for a public display of affection much to his young friend's embarrassment.

Here are some things Mahmoud has said about Isreal to make us love him so.

“Anybody who recognizes Israel will burn in the fire of the Islamic nation’s fury.”

“As the Imam said, Israel must be wiped off the map.”

“The Zionist regime is a dried up and rotten tree which will be annihilated with one storm.”

“The personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Jew.”

Woops my mistake, Hitler said the last one.

Fuck off Friday

Sally Field went and won an Emmy for something I don't give a shit about and to top her famous Oscar speech about how someone really likes her (not me, the academy does it seems) she went and tried to get all political the way only a celebrity can, poorly informed and arrogantly. She seems to think that if mothers ruled the world there would not be any wars. If my Ma ruled the world she'd kick Ms Field's arse for being the weakest fucking link. The world's problems cannot be solved with hugs, appeasement and time outs, not everyone can be reasoned with. Boudica was a mother and though heavily outnumbered she led the Iceni against the Romans in 61 AD and though defeated she knew that sometimes war is a necessary evil.

I love babies, I love Americans, in fact I love baby Americans, I love everyone.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad asked permission to lay a wreath at the World Trade Center . What are you Mr Sensitive now? Go leave one at a holocaust monument while yer at it.

Show me the money ...........shot.

Ian Paisley Jr is just a twat. First theres the whole he is repulsed by homosexuality statements which is fair enough, hes probably just not secure in his own sexuality, no ones forcing you to watch ghey porn unless you want them to of course. Then theres the whole using his position to do favours for his mates in the form of fishing licenses because he has gone out lobster fishing with them on occasion. C'mon junior yer in the public service as a leader and yer a totally incompetent dick, yer the Dan Quayle of Northern Ireland a petty Ted Kennedy and I'm waiting for the time when you get caught in the bathroom stalls slapping one into George Michael.

Richard Branson is giving £200,000 and will raise more to give to the McCanns for their legal defense to prove that while they were neglectful of their children they probably didn't actually physically kill one of them. It shows the saying is true, money attracts money. Every time Kate McCann cries a millionaire writes a cheque.

The cunts who painted swastikas and racist slogans onto the home of Paul Morton and poured paint stripper onto his car in the village of Portballintrae near Bushmills because he just recently married an African nurse. You just know that it was stupid wee spides with less brain cells than one of my shites, if I catch them I'll brand them in the forehead with my boot and the wee fuckers will experience the old tradition of kneecapping to curtail such anti-social behaviour .

Bloggers who can't be arsed Blogging anymore. The amount of Bloggers whose medication has plateau-ed and now what difference does it make? yeah yeah you have busy lives and must think about yer careers now. I don't want to hear yer fucking life story just Blog ya fuckers.

Jonny Wilkinson the English Rugby Union player for walking about half naked, who the fuck wants to see yer ripped torso? To save my readers from shock I edited the picture so you wouldn't see his huge manhood flapping about, no need to thank me.

These people can fuck off.