I used to work at frederick and sons of Inveraray. As a distributor and retailer of paint and paint products it became one of the last hold outs to sell the traditional flavour of paint, containing lead. Paint isn't paint unless you get buzzed while painting, the old painter and decorators that had to go through cold turkey are just shells of their former selves. Hitler was a painter and decorator, do you think he would have come up with all his ideas if he wasn't huffing paint? well ok that may not be a good example but still it was Hitler's idea to make the Volkswagon beetle look like a beetle, his first idea was a silver unicorn.I was in charge of making sure the proper paint orders got delivered on the trucks as well as getting the orders from our paint shop to give to customers. I wasn't getting paid for this responsibly but Jim the former supervisor got the sack for handing out free stuff to his friends and so it somehow became my job.
One of the many managers there was a woman named Mona, she was a small round woman in her mid 30's with a sour expression and straw like Bleached blonde hair, 10 or 15 years ago she may have been an attractive gurl and full of joy but now she was intent on living up to her name, she was married, what reason did she have for making an effort anymore? her husband was a fellow bitter balls who would wait for her in his car at knocking off time with his windows rolled doon and bagpipe music blaring out.
Always the drama queen, if you told Mona the temparature was 35c in Spain on your holidays she'd tell you it was 45c on hers , if you said you won £80 on the lottery she'll tell you right off how she recently won £200.
Her office always had a cloud of cigarette smoke and the formerly white walls were now stained a mustard colour , because she had a sharp tongue and didn't mind confrontations she could do what she pleased. The other management including company directors saw making decisions as a potential danger to their health so didn't mind that Mona a mere office manager played the big dog, they didn't want to get involved. While everyone started work at 9 am Mona sauntered in around 9.20 am, if she had a customer query you had better drop the 4 customers you're dealing with and whatever else you have to do and get her answers .
The outside stores had a PA system and when it wasn't playing I want to commit suicide instrumental music, the shop assistants, sales reps and management serving in the shop would call out every 10 minutes, "storeman to the shop please" just like that Slav and his trained dog, you know now when I hear the sound of pan pipes, I still get the urge to cut myself.
Mona,who had the patience of a bargain shopper used to call several times within a minute and even now and again made the mistake of saying,"storeman to the shop please -------- on the double" any storeman about to answer her call did an about face and felt the need for a smoke break.
One Thursday evening (stayed open late on Thursdays) as I was in one of the outside stores working and I saw two men wearing ski masks running from the shop, wusses I thought its not even cold, when the police turned up 10 minutes later I found out there was a robbery, yes no one thought to check on Old Knudsen. As the money gets dropped before the day time staff goes home and most people paid by check in that place they only got away with some coins, what a well thought out plan.
The staff were all back at work the next day, all except Mona, she suffered mental trauma from it, she got about 6 weeks off, fully paid (storemen got 3 paid sick days a year) and for 2 months refused to work in the shop or late nights on Thursday, both things she disliked doing so it all worked out ok for her in the end.
Mona made working at Frederick and sons miserable for many people,when I got a better job working at the DeLorean car plant across the water in Northern Ireland I was able to tell them to stick their job, it was just before stock take so they were not very happy.
What sunk the fastest? the Titantic or the DeLorean car plant?On my last day there Mona got all teary eyed, she was one of those people that could put on the water works at a drop of a hat to manipulate, she put out her arms ands hugged me. I stood there frozen in fear and revulsion while others looked on amused and rolling their eyes, I could feel her large breasts squeezed tight against my chest for what felt like an eternity, I felt like a character in the movie Alien when the big beastie stands right in front of you seconds before it attacks ripping you to pieces, my fight or flight impulse just gave up and said, "you're fucked lad".
You don't know you weren't there, it was really this scary.In Frederick and sons the only good thing I remember is working with a man called Billy, one of the few people I've ever liked, the rest of the job was like a bad relationship, I sit here years from now and say," what was I thinking staying with those fuckers for 3 years?"
Here Taihae is my most fucked up relationship as requested.
