Its December again, yes that time of year when we at Old Bitter Balls choose between all the competitors for the title of Dictator of the year. It was a close one with Saddam and Bush being ever so zany, Saddam disrupted his own court case and had a hunger strike (lasted 45 minutes) and Bush took the Jap president to Graceland and let him make a fool of himself for the press.
Kim Jong Il with his weapons of mass disappointment won the crown.
Wading through the rumours and lies that are told about Kim Jong Il I have discovered the truth behind the man and I think I may love him.
The father of Kim, the Great Leader Kim Il Sung ruled North Korea as a Stalinist dictatorship for nearly 50 years, he even invaded South Korea once but after 4 years gave it up as a bad job.
Kim Jong Il or Dear Leader was born in a log cabin in 1942 on a sacred mountain with a star, wise men the heap.
When he was in college it is said he wrote 1,500 books, people called him prolific and wished he would slow down, see? am I that bad ? one maybe five posts a day, is that too much to keep up with? and that's with me surfing for porn and polishing my shotgun, I've had to take on 18 other blogs to slow myself doon on the Old Bitter balls.
Kim loves movies, has his own erotic dance troupe and has drunken orgies in which he has imported blonde Swedes (female I think) he injects himself with the blood of virgins to stay young, like who doesn't ? this guy seems just so normal, I'm wondering if I should write a post about him at all.
Hes 5 foot 3 inches tall and wears elevator shoes and big hair to make himself look taller, Hitler and Tom Cruise *have* the same problems and they are both just as normal (both about 4 inches taller than poor Lil Kim)
Just like Stalin, Hitler and Tom Cruise , Kim got rid of any naysayers and replaced them with toadies. If the Dear Leader wore beige they would wear beige, if he got the Rachel hair do so would they.
Not wanting to see a man down, Kim gave employment to Donald as his chief ass kisser, so no change for Don really.Kim Jong loves the propaganda, he'd love to direct movies and went to the trouble of kidnapping a South Korean Director and his actress wife. He kept them in separate prisons, they not knowing anything about the other for 5 years then being the good soul that he is reunited them said "sorry, my bad" and asked them to make movies for him, they said no so he cut their heads off with a rusty hacksaw.
No actually they said yes and he set them up with a big hoose matching Mercs and naked dancers. For 2 years they made films for him and then while touring in Hungry they repaid his kindness by running away to the American Embassy, those fuckers, after everything he had done for them, got them out of prison, gave them a home and jobs, no gratitude.
They couldn't deny his charm though, he may have drank too much, cheated on his wife, humiliated his underlings but he was also smart, funny and hard-working and would make a great Hollywood producer.
One day, he came for a visit and asked the actress, "What do you think of my physique?"
She hesitated, not knowing how to answer such a question when it comes from a short, fat dictator known to execute his enemies.
"Small as a midget's turd, aren't I?" he said.
Something about Kim Jong Il that many don't know is that he has an IQ of 150. He's phobic about germs. He surfs the 'Net, so expect to see him pop up in the comments.
When North Korea's economy collapsed in the 90's and a million people starved to death The Dear Leader showed he was man of compassion to their plight and responded to the famine by executing his agriculture secretary, now that's comedy.
With all of bush's caber rattling and flag waving support for The Dear Leader in South Korea has risen, and after this post when everyone reads what a nice normal guy he is support in the Blogosphere will rise too.
Like Dr Evil, Kim Jong Il also has his Mini-me, and yes he does get more tail than George Clooney, whats up with that?I give you Kim Jong Il dictator of the year 2006 for his ability to be so amusing and produce so much crap to make fun off in my blog, an impotent little shite with the droopy Taepo Dong that he cannot keep up, well done you freaky looking alkie with a pie retention problem, this has so been your year, your prize is a fine bottle of cognac and an i-pod, woops, sorry lad Fed-ex say they can't deliver due to sanctions, better luck next time cuntybaws.
The Dear Leader enjoying some Cognac from a glass thats nearly as big as his head, showing Bush that he is man enough to drink in public instead of being a secret drinker. Kim then scares the world by doing some crazy eyes and lauching a bottle rocket at Japan, Ha Ha, made you flinch. 
Don't worry folks, as long as we have Austin Powers we are safe, no really this is him hes been sick.
* Ibelieve that Hitler is still alive and blogging as one of the people in my links.*
