Australian Prime Minister John Howard has introduced new guidelines for immigrants who want to become Australian citizens.
One measure will be an English exam in which candidates are to give definitions of such words as.
Crook, Bush Telly, Dero, Franger, Sheila and Woofer.
They must prove their knowledge of local history and customs, for example complete the following sentences. ******* Australian for beer.
Dingoes stole my ****. Thunder from down ***** .
Was Steve Irwin killed by
A) Ray Charles
B) Sting
C) An angry fish.
They must know Australian laws like the legal amount of beer you must drink before you can get behind the wheel of a vehicle.
The most difficult test is to eat a spoonful of vegemite (feces like spread made from feces) without gagging.
If they pass the test they are put on 3 years probation during which time they must live like a typical Australian.
Foreplay is shouting the words "brace yourself".
Any children born during those 3 years must be named Bruce, no excuses.
You must wear unflattering khaki and tight short shorts, for men at least one nut must hang out, and for weemen Giblets are expected to be seen.
You must go to church at least 5 times a week, on failing that a pub will do.
Australians descended from convicts are held in high esteem, well they were all innocent anyway right ?
No hardship is too hard for an Aussie, if anyone complains they must be a whinging pom (British) and therefore mocked.
The Queen is different, "God Save The Queen".
Now lets all sing the Australian national anthem.
Neighbours
Everybody needs good neighbours
With a little understanding you can find the perfect blend
Neighbours
Should be there for one-another
That's when good neighbours become good friends
