Let me talk about the good old days, a time when wives understood that a man had to spend hours away from the family home spending the rent money at the pub.
A time when your wife was delivering your child, and when the wee fucker eventually popped out you could all light up cigars in the hospital (even the doctor) and then you'd take the rent money to the pub to celebrate, none of this ,"do you want to hold your child?" business.
You had 20 Shillings in a pound, 12 pence to a Shilling, a Florin was 2s a Crown was 5s, then you had a Bob,Groat,Tanner and Farthing, things made sense back then.
The footballers were 60 year old men with shorts to their feet, "fuck my broken hip, I'm playing" now players head butt you in the chest, I mean the chest?" tell me class, why do we not head butt people in the chest? "YOU BOY!, eating the foot", "A blow to the Thorax would be exceedingly innocuous at best, though you would have to be a total cunt to do it during a World Cup match " exactly! no need to roll around the ground as if you've just been stabbed like some girly boy, put them both in the ring.
Which leads me to the present , everyone is afraid to hurt each other's feelings nevermind hit them for fear of getting sued, back in the day you could rough up a shop owner and threaten to petrol bomb the place for protection money.
I signed up for a free 60 day virus protection trial program, I'm worried about the sort of people I talk too on the Interweb, dirty scummy fuckers that like to sit in corners and stroke wall paper patterns they are. I was happily surfing away and a box pops up on me screen, we've saved you from 72818 viruses, oh my god, I'm scared now, they're all out to get me, dirty Arbroath whores, you only have 29 days left, do you want to renew now or later?
What? 29 days? fuck off, the Nazis didn't frighten me (well a little) so come back in 28 days and I'll think about it .
Being a friendly sort, I open all my e-mails even if I don't know who sent it, you wouldn't open just half of your letters now would you?
I got this e-mail from a Mr Moussa Keita from some African bank, a rich American died in a plane crash 7 years ago and left 8.5 million in his bank, now the time limit is almost up to claim it so Mr Keita contacted the main man Old Knudsen to pretend to be a next of kin, he must be my African reader, how else would he know that Old Knudsen is a Gangsta?
So me as the next of kin, yeah that would work, here have my Post Office account number, and some flash money for expenses, 40% of 8.5 million will be worth it, fuck off.
I somehow think that lawyers ::::spits:::: and family would of tracked the money down, from experience I've noticed that family become like vultures when someone carks it, taking everything they can, its part of the grieving process, if it were in the middle east we'd tear Granny apart also.
Thugs, have some self respect, the Interweb is for pissing people off and downgrading porn, put on a mask, come around with a gun or a large knife you fuckers, but don't come around during Coronation Street, young people, don't know they're born.
