Aleister Crowley, or as his mother called him 'The Beast', a very nice woman always ready with a cup of tea and a scone.In November of 98 I got mixed up with some real dodgy people, I joined what I thought was a Masonic lodge, they were real odd balls, hence me thinking it was the Masons, it turned out to be something called the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, I don't expect any of you to have heard of it, I caught the eye of a young man named Aleister Crowley who soon went on to call himself Count Vladimir and I took the moniker Jimmy the Hoover, well it was more of a stage name for my singing career that so nearly took off.
The order was about boring old Abra-Melin magic and dispatching elementals to kill your enemy but the chicks went nuts for that sort of thing, in fact that's where I met my second wife, no wait that was actually Crowley's second wife, I get so confused, sometimes I think I have a sign on me forehead that only weemen and the odd ghey can see that says,"use me for sex " , now I'm not complaining, did ya hear me complain? no, just so ya know, after Old Knudsen gets his theres none of that cuddlin shite going on, I'm straight to sleep and you had better make me a cup of tea before you leave in the morning, don't think I'm a playa, (I'm no dead yet I can use that word) I consider myself a bit of a romantic, not only will I make sure that the bed sheets were washed that month I always have one of them blue tablets to drop into the toilet's water tank to turn the water blue, I know what the ladies like, anyway why the fuck am I giving away my secrets of seduction?
Back to what I was almost talking about, Crowley was a junkie arsehole, no wonder he saw Spirits and Demons with the amount of drugs he took , me on the other hand am the real thing my Spirit guide Chief Eagle Droppings told me to stop banging Crowley's wife my other Spirit guide Chief Chav Thumper told me to give her a last seeing to as the poor gurl would miss me, I'm a sucker for a sob story, my other Spirit guide All Hail The Chief said " thankyou for taking the time to visit my astral plane" the fucker, don't you just hate it when they say that?
I've noticed an occurrence, a tremor in the farce if you will, I will mention something in a post or a comment and within a day or so someone half a world away some one will experience something connected to what I wrote about , not casual everyday things but things like Wookies, Donegal , Jamiroquai and how Protestant terrorists are shite at killing, or have you written a post and on a blog you've never seen before you see the current post is the same not at the moment subject that you just wrote about , so you quickly check the date and time of publishing read it through and go," huh, it was funnier when I wrote it two hours before you" , or "you bastard, your post is funnier, why didn't I think of that" then you race back to your blog to take it down, or to add to it and change the date and time , oh I've never done that by the way, and I respect my readers far to much to ever lie to them.
Ok the skeptical amongst you will say its all coincidence, statistics show that every 23 minutes a German will do an Interweb search for some dirty words, so if you are a dirtry old man that gets his jollies off by being rude the chances are you'll get a hit from a German (why are the Jerrys such dirty shites?) well ok, my clever use of Rimjob in one of my titles did catch someone, it had nothing to do with my story its just a hobby of mine to waste a wanker's time and then tell them off.
I believe everything happens for a reason and its not my fault that half of yous are too stupid to see it, its the big big plan, keep looking and you'll see order in chaos, I have given that chaos a name and it is 'Blogjinx' as every Grand Wizard knows you have a -/+ 2 weeks for a Blogjinx to happen and so many are happening but you just might not notice them so pay attention.
Just so you know I accepted Jesus as my personal trainer so no more late night sex magick rites followed by a sacrifice and a barbeque, oh no,at 10 pm its a cup of Bovril followed by 12 beers then its off to bed for me until I wake up in a pool of piss or vomit (sometimes both) then I get up and have a good blog to clear my system.
