Tom tries out his Jedi mind powers, "you do not see that I'm getting fat, these are not the Stars you are after", one question how does he manage to walk in those heels?Just to be consistent I am mentioning the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, I fully expect to be able to tie it in with the divorce post I'll do about them within the next 3 years.
They got married in a medieval town in Italy, that means no running water, no cable and a brutal feudal system that doesn't think twice about beheading any paparazzi that don't bow to the High Cruise-ness.
The guests included Richard Gere animal lover extreme (gerbils) Jennifer lopez with the arse most men want for Christmas, Jim Carrey the most original funny man of all time (check that statement for sarcasm) David Beckham who is very pretty and can kick a ball, accompanied by his skinny skanky slapper spice wife, Roberta Armani who is the niece of someone famous and Brooke Shields who actually had to try acting by going around looking happy, Tom met her before the wedding and said " thankyou for taking the time to come to my wedding" then a quick photo op and not another word was spoken by them, Tom did mutter to one of his Scientology minders "keep that crazy bitch in line".
The ceremony was performed of course by a scientology minister, and so probably is as real as my wooden leg, the couple were dressed in silver space suits and the theme to Star Wars was played, when asked,"Thomas Cruise intergalactic lord and former big movie star, do you take this earthling as your 3rd wife, till divorce my you part " tom raised his hand and gave the Vulcan salute and said,"nanu nanu". When asked if she took this space God with the laser beam eyes and the views of an idiot as her lord and master Katie broke down in tears, until her scientology handler answered yes for her.
Tom and katie laugh as Tom uses his finger to zap a reporter.Ah the happy couple, whats with the downgrade Tom? shes no Nicole, and whats with the marrying a rich crazy fucker Katie? I'm sure your career would have eventually taken off, maybe the rent was due and its not like marriage is forever or anything, has Suri started to levitate stuff yet? remember only happy thoughts, Scientology is good, you don't want to be sent to the corn field by a 7 month old.
The title is because this post is shite so I thought I'd have fun be seeing how many Germans I could trap when they search for the title.
Update: thanks to the title there is now a pack of dirty shites reading my blog, Egypt shame on you and your animal sex search, um unless you're a conservationist or something then it might make sense.
