It must be that time of the year again. When the readers of Old Bitter Balls cast their votes and decide who the dictator of the year shall be. Well this is my blog so you shall accept what I say cuntybaws.
Last year it was the highly entertaining Kim Jong-iL but he peaked and was secretly assassinated, no need to thank me.
This years leader may have died in 1976, the year that we had a heat wave and hose pipe ban in the UK, yeah no one was shouting about Global fucking warming then oh no we were still expecting another bloody ice-age if you remember correctly.
See what I think about yer science. Economists and Climate scientists have made sure they have job security for talking shite where is my security?
Mao Zedong born 26th December (Boxing day) 1893 to a family of pleasant farmers who were peasants.
In 1949 during the Chinese civil war he defeated the great yellow hope Chiang Kai-Shrek an ogre who allied himself with the UK and the US to defeat the Japs in Burma during WWII.
Mao and his commies defeated Shrek at Chengdu which caused Shrek to leave the mainland and swim to Taiwan powered by his mighty ogre arms. Mao set up a compound near Beijing building himself an indoor swimming pool in line with the teachings of communism.
Che Guevara meets the Mao man, "I killed 10,000 political opponents yesterday" says Che "Flucking amateur I killed 20,000."Like Stalin he rid himself of all dissenters and opposition claiming himself to have had executed 700,000 people during the years 1949–53, not personally like cos that would take up a lot of his time, trust me on this.
Castro had that Che Guevara to do all his killings its standard practice. In the 80's I did a lot of Margret Thatcher's killings for her.
I won't say I did it for money or out of loyalty more likely she knew how to play me with her sex appeal I knew I was being used and I loved it but still you don't see me on t-shirts............. yet!
Mao then launched his 5 year plan to become independent from the USSR. I cringe when I hear about 5 year plans. He should have made it into a 10 year one cos he had another 5 year plan afterwards known as the 'Great Leap Forward' which was an ingenious plan to work on heavy industry and banning food production ......... huh?
Between 1959 and 1962 tens of millions of people starved to death in what was the largest famine of human history.
In 1966 there was what was known as the cultural revolution. Certain liberal "bourgeois" elements of society tried to gain economic control so Mao wisely used the Red Army to kill all the great thinkers and move others including rowdy teenagers out to the cuntry to make arms for the Red Army, keep the fuckers busy so they aren't causing trouble, sheer genius.
Mao claimed the revolution was over in 1969 with a big 'Mission Accomplished' banner but it wasn't over until 1976.
In 1976 Mao who had suffered a decline in health suffered a heart attack. The poor man was attended by his personal doctor and his second wife Jiang Qing, his wife thought she knew better and went against all the doctor's orders and poor old Mao died aged a youthful 82.
Even today he is still revered and many families have Mao on their altars and there are even temples for Mao.
A recent car ad which featured the altered face of Mao was retracted when there was an uproar.
He may be dead for over 30 years but there has been talk about the latest technologies having brought him back to life to work as a power in the back ground to stop the ever changing China from becoming capitalist.
All hail Chairman Mao with his face on countless tacky souvenirs and the inventor of the little red book that went on to become the little black book that all playas like myself carry.
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