I like Owen Wilson, his brother Luke doesn't do enough films though. Owen as you can tell by the picture is a sexy devil except his nose is shaped like a penis, this must really cum in handy.I had a night in at the movies the other night, which was nice. Going to my friend Ron's hoose me and my old mucker Phil La Tour headed over on public transport. Yes La Tour isn't a very Scottish name, we suspect he came from those frog Templars that settled here in Killamory in 1307 when they were kicked out of France, when Phil drinks too much he claims to be part of a secret organisation that protects the grail, he couldn't protect a cup of warm piss.
A wee fat fella with a glass eye, his sister as a child used to chase him with scissors and one unfortunate time she caught him, don't get me wrong the pair are very close and always have been in fact to this day they live as common law man and wife and the children are lovely.
We took our carrier bags of beer and cider and made it to the part of Killmory where Ron lived, the air there is smelly in a chemical way due to the *Du Cont* factory near by, the housing estate was quiet and empty except for a few bucktoothed mongs playing banjos.
Ron is about 50 years old and lives with his parents, hes the smartest person I know and has a degree in Geography. The only other people I know with degrees are some of my readers and the managers at the local McDonald's.
I meself have a degree from the school of hard knocks so I can have intercourse with those who have smarts on the level they are used too. Ron loves my jokes about the Ring of Fire and the rainfall in Valencia, I can sure tell em.
He works as a caretaker (janitor to you Yanks) at the Du Cont factory but is on the sick at the moment due to the third eye growing on the top of his head, it really plays havoc with his comb over but hes always the first to spot aeroplanes flying overhead. We suspect this abnormality has something to do with his great grandfather being Portuguese, a dirty people to be sure.
Ron just bought all three of the X-men films on that laser disc DVT thing that can kill you if you watch them on long plane flights, like exploding breast inplants I suspect. I'll never surrender my VCR its a lot safer ..
I suspect I'll be doing a post about the X-men and what I would like to do to Halle Berry at a later time.
Ron's mum 'Pat' supplied us with snacks , you know before she started growing a beard and getting a silver tint to her skin I thought she was quite the MILF.
The thing I like about going to Ron's is the intelligent conversation and the lad knows Hollywood. We talked about the Alec Baldwin angry abusive phone call to his 11 year old daughter Ireland and Ron put a political Sinn Fein/DUP spin on it about Alec and Kim supposedly working together for a united Ireland but both of them wanted Ireland for their own reasons, wow I was amazed, totally drunk at the time but I got the gist and laughed like fuck, some pee may have come out but we're all lads.
Phil was getting annoying, he kept wanting to watch the Da Vinci Code again, we told him no so he sat sulking with his hands in his pockets playing pocket pool.
As the evening got later and Ron got even more inebriated his issues started to cum out. His virginity, the whole 3rd eye thing and the fact that his penis was starting to fork, no really I saw it.
I don't know if you know this about me but I like to stir up shit and I know what buttons to push on this fellow, he loves Star Wars and I think its a big load of shite, I used to like Star trek and now can only watch the original crew films, only the even ones except # 3 is ok. So I say to Ron how crap Episode one was and how Fenian Liam Neeson is, this is usually enough to get him raging, he spits out his words spraying me with saliva like Kenneth Branagh in Henry V and starts to foam at the mouth when I say anything after the first 3 films don't count. He was yelling murder at me but then his 74 year old mother got out of bed and starting stroking his forking penis to sooth him, I wouldn't of minded a bit of soothing myself.
Phil and I made our way home on foot, and with the drink and the chemicals in the air we didn't remember our trip home . I woke after sleeping the next day away and found that I had a milkman tied up on my kitchen floor, it seems that Phil had the milk float and was going to have it chopped up and sell the parts I suppose I should do the same.
*The name Du Cont has been changed to avoid any lawsuits*
A wee fat fella with a glass eye, his sister as a child used to chase him with scissors and one unfortunate time she caught him, don't get me wrong the pair are very close and always have been in fact to this day they live as common law man and wife and the children are lovely.
We took our carrier bags of beer and cider and made it to the part of Killmory where Ron lived, the air there is smelly in a chemical way due to the *Du Cont* factory near by, the housing estate was quiet and empty except for a few bucktoothed mongs playing banjos.
Ron is about 50 years old and lives with his parents, hes the smartest person I know and has a degree in Geography. The only other people I know with degrees are some of my readers and the managers at the local McDonald's.
I meself have a degree from the school of hard knocks so I can have intercourse with those who have smarts on the level they are used too. Ron loves my jokes about the Ring of Fire and the rainfall in Valencia, I can sure tell em.
He works as a caretaker (janitor to you Yanks) at the Du Cont factory but is on the sick at the moment due to the third eye growing on the top of his head, it really plays havoc with his comb over but hes always the first to spot aeroplanes flying overhead. We suspect this abnormality has something to do with his great grandfather being Portuguese, a dirty people to be sure.
Ron just bought all three of the X-men films on that laser disc DVT thing that can kill you if you watch them on long plane flights, like exploding breast inplants I suspect. I'll never surrender my VCR its a lot safer ..
I suspect I'll be doing a post about the X-men and what I would like to do to Halle Berry at a later time.
Ron's mum 'Pat' supplied us with snacks , you know before she started growing a beard and getting a silver tint to her skin I thought she was quite the MILF.
The thing I like about going to Ron's is the intelligent conversation and the lad knows Hollywood. We talked about the Alec Baldwin angry abusive phone call to his 11 year old daughter Ireland and Ron put a political Sinn Fein/DUP spin on it about Alec and Kim supposedly working together for a united Ireland but both of them wanted Ireland for their own reasons, wow I was amazed, totally drunk at the time but I got the gist and laughed like fuck, some pee may have come out but we're all lads.
Phil was getting annoying, he kept wanting to watch the Da Vinci Code again, we told him no so he sat sulking with his hands in his pockets playing pocket pool.
As the evening got later and Ron got even more inebriated his issues started to cum out. His virginity, the whole 3rd eye thing and the fact that his penis was starting to fork, no really I saw it.
I don't know if you know this about me but I like to stir up shit and I know what buttons to push on this fellow, he loves Star Wars and I think its a big load of shite, I used to like Star trek and now can only watch the original crew films, only the even ones except # 3 is ok. So I say to Ron how crap Episode one was and how Fenian Liam Neeson is, this is usually enough to get him raging, he spits out his words spraying me with saliva like Kenneth Branagh in Henry V and starts to foam at the mouth when I say anything after the first 3 films don't count. He was yelling murder at me but then his 74 year old mother got out of bed and starting stroking his forking penis to sooth him, I wouldn't of minded a bit of soothing myself.
Phil and I made our way home on foot, and with the drink and the chemicals in the air we didn't remember our trip home . I woke after sleeping the next day away and found that I had a milkman tied up on my kitchen floor, it seems that Phil had the milk float and was going to have it chopped up and sell the parts I suppose I should do the same.
*The name Du Cont has been changed to avoid any lawsuits*
