The Hairy Mind Of Old Knudsen

This tramp doesn't know it yet but he is the future.

I hid during the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre. I cried at Sand Creek and again at Wounded Knee. I was disgusted at the Japs when they took NanJing and shook my head at how unprofessional the Yanks were at My Lai . I lead a team of crack mercenaries to Zimbabwe to destroy Mugabe's evil Fifth Brigade - a North Korea-trained unit responsible for the slaughter of thousands and if it wasn't for a lack of funds and a dentist appointment we would have succeeded. I weep in a manly warrior way for innocent dead people. Animals however who God did not see fit to give souls to can go fuck.

I was out jogging doon by the canal listening to Outcast on my MP5 player when I passed by the old animal testing plant. It only last year that I had a thriving business supplying dogs, cats, rabbits and the odd monkey to them for a fair price. I feel that being a hard working God fearing man brings me closer to the Almighty himself and reminds me of the time I worked in Edinburgh, providing cadavers to doctors for experimenting on, ah those where the days.

By pouring soap into Rabbit's eyes they have found a way to make dogs intelligent enough to tidy up parks, in fact this doggie is sooo smart he can shag yer leg in 3 languages.

Well some bitch on the local council complained when her dogs went missing and then some investigative reporter found it was happening all over Killamory so the research plant stopped buying them, it really pisses me off, you test kids at school so why not test animals? you know it makes sense.

Jogging past the plant I soon came to the bridge where tramps and winos like to hang out and sleep, those fuckers don't ask me for 20p when they see me they hide their alcohol then it came to me.

Olive oil is made from olives, Baby oil is made from babies so if I get a load of alcohol pickled winos and crush them to extract their juices I can get a new form of fuel to run cars on. I'll be rich. now what shall I call it? I know Trampoline© .