" Pull yerself together ya fucking pussy there are people watching."I mentioned in a previous post about my job as a life coach at the Ohhmm Well Being Clinic . I got taken off manning the suicide hotline at the weekends after they did an audit and found my success numbers to be extremely low. What the fuck can numbers tell ya? mathematics is a cousin to witchcraft and those who use it should be burned at the stake, well that's what I think.
I've been branching out with support groups. Not yer Alcohol and narcotic ones, they've been done to death boring. I tackle subjects that you might find annoying but put up with, they still do damage to relationships and the lives of those afflicted.
I first started this to actually help people, now I do it to laugh at them and get Blog stories, does that make me a bad person? ah well like I give a fuck. I just put the word anonymous in the title so people would know it was a support group and I was too lazy to cum up with something witty.
I've been branching out with support groups. Not yer Alcohol and narcotic ones, they've been done to death boring. I tackle subjects that you might find annoying but put up with, they still do damage to relationships and the lives of those afflicted.
I first started this to actually help people, now I do it to laugh at them and get Blog stories, does that make me a bad person? ah well like I give a fuck. I just put the word anonymous in the title so people would know it was a support group and I was too lazy to cum up with something witty.
Blogging Anonymous: Remember that person you married and the 3 kids you have that get in the way of yer Blogging? well the fuckers are still hanging around like a bad smell so its time to set them free. When they can't provide new and funny ideas for posts dump them they're only holding you back, if you do more than 2 Memes in a 3 month period you're burnt out, go divorce yer family and Blog about it or take up killing hookers, which reminds me of this gurl I met the other night on Chester Street.
Anonymous Commenters Anonymous: I opened up that group with an amusing story about my nephew who was working fixing the electrics at a rest home and got zapped, it ended in a very witty way. The people at the meeting didn't laugh, one said their Granny just died at a rest home, another said their nephew just learned they had cancer and would be dead in a year, another had a father that lost both arms due to electrocution. For fuck sake they were boring old ninnys, and because their name badges all said 'Anonymous' it was hard to talk to them.
Sarcastics Anonymous: sarcasm can really be damaging, the meeting started with " my name *troika* its been 2 days since I was last sarcastic" I just looked at him and said "I am oh so interested please tell me more ::::yawn:::::".
Sex addicts Anonymous: I didn't get any hot horny weemen to practice my sexual aversion therapy on just a load of blokes, ah well beggars can't be choosers.
Liars Anonymous: No one turned up as I put on the flyer it was on a Thursday but it was really on Tuesday, which was bad as Sun yat sen the father of modern China and Buddy Holly the falling star had said how they wanted to attend.
Lop-sided breasts Anonymous: I'm not a doctor though I do pretend sometimes, this was a very interesting group.
Internet Porn Addicts Anonymous: I got some great stuff from these guys and Kav it was very nice to meet you.
Anger Anonymous: If I ever see that group of fuckers again I will kill them and then I will hunt their families doon and anyone that's ever talked to them.
Smokers Anonymous: with the no smoking bans I decided to help these nicotine junkies kick their disgusting habit, I didn't get very far as all that talk about ciggies kept making me take cigarette breaks.
Reality Show Anonymous: this is a particularly pathetic group of tossers, so much so I brought in a film crew with the aim of getting my own show, has-been celebrities are always good, maybe I'll get them to dance next week.
Historical re-enactors Anonymous: A little bit too serious, I try to tell them no one will notice if yer codpiece is a hundred years too old for the rest of yer outfit and you're wearing tinted glasses anyway, but the silly cunts get offended.
Catholics Anonymous: I have high hopes for this group, if you can turn a ghey man straight in 3 weeks by intensive bible preaching then you should be able to turn a Taig into a Protestant. Henry the 8th changed and he was a cunt, well that's if you can really call Church of England Protestant, I call it Catholic Lite.
Anonymous Commenters Anonymous: I opened up that group with an amusing story about my nephew who was working fixing the electrics at a rest home and got zapped, it ended in a very witty way. The people at the meeting didn't laugh, one said their Granny just died at a rest home, another said their nephew just learned they had cancer and would be dead in a year, another had a father that lost both arms due to electrocution. For fuck sake they were boring old ninnys, and because their name badges all said 'Anonymous' it was hard to talk to them.
Sarcastics Anonymous: sarcasm can really be damaging, the meeting started with " my name *troika* its been 2 days since I was last sarcastic" I just looked at him and said "I am oh so interested please tell me more ::::yawn:::::".
Sex addicts Anonymous: I didn't get any hot horny weemen to practice my sexual aversion therapy on just a load of blokes, ah well beggars can't be choosers.
Liars Anonymous: No one turned up as I put on the flyer it was on a Thursday but it was really on Tuesday, which was bad as Sun yat sen the father of modern China and Buddy Holly the falling star had said how they wanted to attend.
Lop-sided breasts Anonymous: I'm not a doctor though I do pretend sometimes, this was a very interesting group.
Internet Porn Addicts Anonymous: I got some great stuff from these guys and Kav it was very nice to meet you.
Anger Anonymous: If I ever see that group of fuckers again I will kill them and then I will hunt their families doon and anyone that's ever talked to them.
Smokers Anonymous: with the no smoking bans I decided to help these nicotine junkies kick their disgusting habit, I didn't get very far as all that talk about ciggies kept making me take cigarette breaks.
Reality Show Anonymous: this is a particularly pathetic group of tossers, so much so I brought in a film crew with the aim of getting my own show, has-been celebrities are always good, maybe I'll get them to dance next week.
Historical re-enactors Anonymous: A little bit too serious, I try to tell them no one will notice if yer codpiece is a hundred years too old for the rest of yer outfit and you're wearing tinted glasses anyway, but the silly cunts get offended.
Catholics Anonymous: I have high hopes for this group, if you can turn a ghey man straight in 3 weeks by intensive bible preaching then you should be able to turn a Taig into a Protestant. Henry the 8th changed and he was a cunt, well that's if you can really call Church of England Protestant, I call it Catholic Lite.
.
Spartacus Anonymous: Its strange how many people claim to be the ex slave and thorn in the side of Ancient Rome Spartacus. I asked one man to stand and tell his story so he stood and said "hello I'm Spartacus" that started them all off, "I'm Spartacus", "no I'm Spartacus", I'm Spartacus and so is my wife".
.
*Just a silly name I made up and in no way resembles that cunt in Hong Kong*
